this might be the hardest post i’ve ever shared. ever. i’ve been writing this for days, pouring over it hours at a time. i’ve been back and forth with if i should even post it. it’s hard and uncomfortable, but God has called me to share.
i’ve always had this dialogue in my head. the exact conversation i wanted to have with my children once they reached an age of understanding. then that conversation is drown out by the loud voice saying you can’t tell them that, tell them your mistakes? then they’ll run and do the same thing you did. why would you even consider sharing that? such a stupid idea. why would you want to share your shame? and so, for years, i’ve kept this hidden inside me. until today. it’s time to hush up that loud voice that satan is oh-so-good at putting in my mind. it’s time to add more transparency. it’s time to be real.
when i was growing up, i didn’t have a purity ring. i didn’t have limits set or a plan of action. i had the church simply saying “don’t do it or God will be mad”. but everyday, i sat and listened to teens around me talking about sex like it was the best thing since sliced bread. and there i sat, struggling to fit in anyways. this was just one more way i wasn’t going to fit in. i had no story to share. maybe if i had a story to share, then i would fit in. then i wouldn’t get made fun of for my full lips or big booty. then girls wouldn’t be mean to me for reasons i still don’t know. then boys would actually not be afraid to say they liked me, instead of telling me not to tell anyone. that was the answer, i needed my own story.
i wish i had heard that purity was beautiful. valuable. precious. an amazing gift given to us by God to give to our spouse. i wish purity had been a bigger topic among my circle. i wish i had been told that God’s grace is bigger than the choices we make. i wish i had heard that we are all sinners. i wish i had heard more about forgiveness rather than being scoffed at.
i adore the words from this phillips, craig and dean song. every single time i hear it, my eyes fill with tears.
He ran to me,
He took me in His arms,
Held my head to His chest,
Said “My son’s come home again!”
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice He said
“Son, do you know I still love You?”
He caught me by surprise, When God ran…
my story is filled with Gods grace, forgiveness and love. it’s full of the times He ran to me, wiped my tears and told me He still loved me. it’s filled with an amazing husband who, even though i was broken, accepted me for who i was and loved me.
oh sweet soul, there is hope! you are so much more. you have a Heavenly Father who absolutely loves and adores you. He doesn’t see you as used, unworthy, empty, damaged or broken. He see’s you as perfectly beautiful! He was there with you when you cried, He was wiping away your tears. He was beside you when you felt all alone, waiting for you to reach out to Him. He wants to run to you, hold you, wipe away your tears and tell you He still loves you!!!! your story doesn’t define you, precious one. and through Him, with His amazing grace, you can be completely cleansed and restored!
out for now
Your bravery is commendable. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Serious question no sass intended. Do you ever wonder if God values purity so much why He "allows" children to be molested and raped so often?
no sass taken 🙂 i'm glad you asked that. it's a question on many peoples minds.
bad things (such as rape and molestation) happen because the world we live in is sin-filled and broken. when God created the garden of Eden, the world was in perfect harmony. there were no hurricanes, murders, wars or death. but Adam and Even chose to sin and now, the world and all the people in it are not the way God intended. they are disordered and broken.
there are many things about God that we cannot understand. there is much about God that is a mystery or secret. but because we trust God, we can accept his mysteries. one thing i do know is He sure does love us! He loves us so much that He sent His son to die for our sins! maybe some things are too terrible for us to know. maybe some things are too wonderful. when God is ready, He will give us more understanding. and when we get to heaven, we will see everything clearly (1 Corinthians 13:12).
the wonderful thing is God promises to always help us through the bad times. if we reach out to Him, He is right there to wipe away our tears. and He always keeps his promises!
I absolutely love your answer to the question that does cross many peoples minds, especially those of us who have been tainted by the darkness of this world. I was given Genesis 50:20 when this question came to my Papa…and with that I cried myself clean.
I wanted to share on this post because as of lately I have been considering writing about what I learned when researching the reasons God wants us to wait until we're married, so I also can have these reasons ready for my children. Knowing this was an area that would have to be purely given by The Spirit since I couldn't go from experience.
What I learned changed me in more ways than I imagined. But in as few words as I can possibly put here, when I woman is with a man for the first time there is a small amount of blood that was covering her cervix. When God made the covenant with Abraham and Jesus it was done through the BLOOD. Also, side not in 1 John where is states that he came by blood and water, think about where a child grows inside of a mother (with fluid surrounding) than with Mary being a virgin he had to pass through the BLOOD in order to become of this world. As well as when he was on the Cross breaking the Code of the Law giving us Freedom through the Spirit. Ok, back to a man and woman….when we are united under God to our spouses then come together as man and wife that night, this is when this covenant that God speaks of in Genesis where we become ONE flesh, is sealed by the blood.
Now isn't that just amazing and what a solid reason to give our children when they ask why wait until marriage. There is a pure way that God created for us…and yes there are broken branches that He has forged into His tree…but there WILL be those who remained pure…I believe this is what He means…not that we can go without union with our husbands, but those who were left unmarked by darkness.
We each have our part…we are ALL part of the body of Christ-no one is better than another. We each are stars of our own story.
Thank you sharing this…Sorry for taking up so much room, but you inspired the thoughts that have been running through my mind as of lately.