I’m tired of the not enoughs

As she teetered across the floor to me, carrying her favorite dolly, I scooped her up in my arms and told her You are absolutely beautiful little girl.

Years later, as she laid on the floor playing with her Polly Pockets and Petshops, she told me of someone making fun of her.  And I told her You are absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

As a teenager, we had a conversation of someone making comments about her.  And she told me I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves.

At that moment, while being so extremely proud of my daughters confidence, I couldn’t help but feel pangs of sadness.  While I had told her this truth for years with my voice, I hadn’t lived it.  I had left her to learn it on her own.

I had all the right words for her throughout the years: That she’s beautiful. That she’s smart. That she’s always enough in Jesus. That her identity is in Christ alone. That God’s approval is all that matters.

I was too busy living with not enoughs, I couldn’t model this truth for her.

How many times I had put on a outfit and scowled at my reflection in the mirror…told myself I was too big, had too many scars, I was unqualified and unworthy. How many days I had questioned my own worth…I was nothing special, ordinary, not thin enough, not pretty enough and not good enough.

What lessons had I been teaching her with my actions?

In that moment when those words left my daughters mouth, I am absolutely beautiful, I am fierce and I love my curves, my world changed.  I knew I had to start living what I had been saying for years.

That day, while sitting at my desk, I vowed that I would provide a firm foundation for not only my daughter but all the other young women in my life.  I want them to know that a woman’s identity is found in Christ alone. I want to teach that lesson, not just with my words, but with my life.

So many times, we let the wrong factors define our worth. We allow failed relationships, body image, abuse, choices and health to define us. We allow feelings of being useless, ignored, ugly, overweight, unloved or forgotten. Sadly, we repeatedly allow these factors to define us. We allow our feelings to dictate our identity.I have been stuck in the not enoughs my entire life.

How could I change how I saw myself? How can I redefine myself? How can I master confidence? And do it all with grace?

I knew I couldn’t do it on my own, I needed to get my worth as women through Christ. Not through my feelings, not through others opinions of me, not through situations and not through emotions. But through the hands that shaped me.

What does Jesus think of us? What does He think our worth is? Well, He thought you and I were worth dying for! And if He thinks that much of us, why would we ever allow others to degrade the life He went through so much to save? He thinks we are worth far more than rubies! {Proverbs 31:10}

Some days, without fail, old insecurities will come knocking on the doors of our hearts. We’re tempted to tell lies about ourselves to ourselves when we’re rejected or knocked down or feeling not quite … enough.

But in those moments of weakness, I refuse to give in to the lies. I will continue to tell myself I am loved, as-is, not as I think I should be.

Retraining my heart will take years. But I know it is worth the fight.Let me speak directly to your heart. Believe it, sweet girls. Pretty please with cream and sugar on top. Know that what Jesus says about you is genuine – that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter your past. No matter how you feel.  It’s true!