So often we sit together just enjoying the stillness. We refer to the place we’re in now as the good years. The good years where peace lives daily. It wasn’t always this way in our marriage. We’ve come full circle, and the journey would not be complete without each part.
I remember that first time I saw him at a mutual friends house. His t-shirt and bright eyes, the way he made me laugh with ease, his confidence, it sucked me in. My attraction to this “bad boy” shocked me, this dark mysterious guy who ignored the world and rocked multiple tattoos. I thought to myself that it would be hilarious if I were so immediately attracted to him because he was supposed to be my husband. Actually, that was my second thought. My first thought was that my Mama would never approve of this tattooed wild boy.
Three months later we were married, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.
The first year was everything I imagined it could be, but then as life took some tough shots at us, we quickly found out we weren’t equipped to withstand the storm.
The next several years were rough at best. I don’t even remember what caused all the arguments, but I remember the anger — my anger, his anger, bucket loads of tears, slammed doors, sleepless nights, souls aching and distance.
Our marriage was dying.
It was like a slow, silent kind of death. One we were both uncomfortably aware of but unwilling to speak about.
Hopelessness consumed our days. We wore hurt and brokenness daily like winter jackets.
Our marriage seemed comprised of arguments, an unwillingness to understand each other and selfish hearts.
We were living in the same house and unsure of what the future looked like.
On a warm summer day the silence was broken and we found ourselves at a crossroads between divorce and reconciliation.
We spent days being swallowed up by anger. We spent days having tear soaked faces. We spent days having hopelessness walk beside us.
But then GOD.
There was a night when I was at my breaking point. I got in my car and started driving. I ended up on a hill in the middle of the woods. The sky was covered with stars and I could see for miles around. I listened to hymns, sang along, cried my eyes out and talked to God for hours on end. When I left the hill that night I had something new, HOPE!
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my husband what the conversation between God and I held.
In that moment we were catapulted into trusting Him more than we ever had to in the past.
We handed our marriage to God, knowing we couldn’t revive it ourselves. And with that, God breathed new life into our dying marriage. He showed us both forgiveness in a way we had never known and restored our marriage, making it better than it ever had been in the past.
The new marriage we had was amazing. It was filled with compromise, hope, selflessness and love.
Fifteen years later, our marriage is strong and solid, securely set now on a firm foundation. Perfect? No, is any marriage truly perfect? Better than my twenty-year-old, naive self dreamed? Without a doubt!
Sometimes we sit and reminisce about the in-between years. We talk about those gut-wrenching hard times. We talk about how we couldn’t have made it without God. And we talk about where we are now. There is something so precious about struggling together and coming out on the other side hand-in-hand.
I want you to know God can see into the deepest depths of your heart. He knows exactly what it will take to restore hope into your heart, into your life and into your marriage. He meets us where we are and loves us just as we are, sinners. He showers us with his amazing grace. We have a God who knows how we feel, and really cares. He knows our doubts and hopelessness. He can help when we’re willing to bring those things to him. God walks with us during our hopeless times and never leaves us.
Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Our marriages aren’t exempt from this. When we are in the middle of a trial in marriage, it’s hard to see how God could ever use it for good. But He has promised to use them for good, and He is faithful to keep His word. Give your marriage over to God and allow Him to heal the hopeless and the hardness. He will bring beauty from the ashes.
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