Today we’re going to discuss what your husband wants in bed. Now clearly I am not a man and I can’t say with certainly exactly what is in your husbands head. But I feel with the research I’ve done and through extensive talks with my own husband, we can dive into this topic.
Archibald Hart, the author of The Sexual Man (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 1994) took a poll of 150 Christian married men, 83 percent stated that they don’t believe that women understand a man’s sex drive. So let’s talk about that first.
May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always; may you ever be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
God designed your husband’s brain to cherish you and to be enthralled with your body. The definition I found of enthralled is so beautiful. It means to be fascinated with, filled with delight and wonder at something, to the point where time seems to stand still. Imagine when your husband looks at your body it takes his breath away and time stands still.
God has also made a man’s body to highly enjoy and desire sex. And they are also very visual.
Husbands feel alone with their secrets and desires; they are at a loss about how to communicate this to their wives. For many men, their attempts to share their desires with their wives have been met with disinterest or even at times anger. We can’t just pretend their sexuality doesn’t exist.
So today, I want us to dive into what our men want.
They want us to want them
They want to feel that we want them. Not just to never say no to them, but to say yes to them in our hearts. They don’t want us to treat it as just another chore alongside laundry and dishes. They want us to want them with all we have, our heart soul and mind.
He wants to be desired sexually, not feel like he’s reluctantly serviced. Your husband doesn’t want you to have sex with him because you feel guilty; he wants you to want to be with him! He doesn’t want to feel like the only time he can be with his wife sexually is out of obligation or pity.
He is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16
They want us to show up
He doesn’t want a wife who simply goes through the motions, isn’t engaged or is mentally preparing her grocery list. Imagine how sad you would be if he went on a date with you but complained the entire time and said he couldn’t wait until it was over. He doesn’t want you to approach sex like that either. They love when we are engaged and show that we enjoy it and want to be there just as much as they do.
They want us to be confident
Exuding confidence is something men find sexy. In fact I would go as far to say confidence matters more than looks. Confidence is a real key to having sex appeal!
If you don’t feel confident, fake it. They say it only takes 30 days to build a habit. And what better habit to acquire than confidence!
If you’ve read my previous post on making your marriage sizzle, there are some tips in that post for confidence. Here are a few more tips:
- Wear something that you feel confident in. It could be anything from red lipstick to jeans that make your butt look good to lingerie that makes you feel extra sassy and sexy.
- Use confident body language. If you aren’t exactly sure what to do, practice in front of a mirror. Walking, eye contact and a sexy smirk are all examples of confident body language.
- Use confident self-talk. Remind yourself of scriptures that tell of your worth. Tell yourself you are beautiful and feminine and sexy because God made you that way!
They want us to be satisfied
Husbands want their wives to enjoy sex. In fact most husbands will hold off their own pleasure until she is fulfilled. A husband’s satisfaction is wrapped up in his ability to send his wife into ecstasy. Ask your husband how much he enjoys pleasing you, I bet he would say it’s at the top of his list.
From the sexual pleasure standpoint, God is an equal opportunity provider. God designed both men and women to be able to orgasm. With vulnerable communication on both ends, it’s absolutely possible to achieve that every time.
They want us to take the reigns
Sharing in the responsibility and privilege of initiating sex is a great thing! Again, it shows them that we want them.
Here are a few ways you can initiate sex:
- Just tell him. This one seems obvious, but there are so many ways you can do it. Either with your voice, a racy text, the tone of your voice, create a code word or write him a note and hide it where you know he’ll find it. There are great opportunities to be romantic or funny or charming or erotic with your words.
- Show him. A little butt pat, steamy kiss or crotch grab will get your point across loud and clear. And it will be the signal to get him thinking what you’re thinking.
- Give a gift. Think of ways you could use tokens of love to show your husband he rocks your world when it comes to sex!
I hope through this post you gained a little insight into your husband and his desires. Make sure to come back next Friday for another post in our series on intimacy!
Leave a Reply