Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Biblical Besties {Leaving}

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 12:26

Friendships are oh so important to us, aren’t they?  So what do we do if we feel a friendship is headed down a wrong path?  Or if God is nudging us to reevaluate it?  Or the answer in the end is to let it go?  How do we handle that and know we’re handling it right?

When one friendship door closes, another one opens.  But sadly, the first door has to hit us in the rump first.

I’ve always hated goodbyes. And I love having lots of friends.  After growing up an only child, my friends are my siblings.  I especially cherish close friends.  You know what I mean, the ones who know you in-and-out and the friendship just feels comfortable and familiar.  Asking me to get rid of a friend is like asking for a vital organ.  So what do you do when God starts nudging your heart to reevaluate a close friendship?  Well, if you’re like me, you ignore that nudging for a while.  Then a situation happens and you realize, once again, you should have listening to Him in the first place.  

We can get so caught up in a friendship that we don’t realize how toxic it is.  A little here, a little there.  Before we realize it, we’re in deep.  While healthy friendships are blessings, unhealthy friendships can cause toxic, destructive messes in your life. I like to call these drama tornadoes. Drama queens, cynics, manipulators and gossips are just some of the emotionally unhealthy people whose behaviors are toxic to you. If you walk away feeling angry, gossip-ish or just plain yucky after spending time together, you might have a toxic friend.

It’s vital that we cut ties with people who lead us astray.  We need to do that to protect our spiritual health.  I’m not suggesting that we just end a friendship abruptly (unless a situation calls for that), but I am suggesting that we look for signs that a friendship is potentially hazardous and we apply scripture, prayer and guidance from the Holy Spirit to the situation to determine how to proceed in those relationships. 

I pray that you choose your friends wisely and keep your eyes open for red flags in a relationship with a friend. Have you ever had a toxic friendship? Did you even know it was toxic and did you end it or take a break from it? I’d love to hear how you worked through a tough friendship.

Biblical Besties {Keeping}

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24

I grew up as an only child.  Since I didn’t have siblings to love on (or fight with), I clung to my friendships even tighter.  My friends were my siblings.  I grew up being 100% devoted to friends.  Having that mindset makes it even more difficult to lose a friend.
Relationships are important to all of us, whether we admit it or not. They’re a gift and a responsibility from God. But how can we build that relationship into a friendship that will last a lifetime?  That’s what we’re exploring today.
Listen To Her:  Oh, how we love a good listening ear.  Actually lean in and listen to her.  Try your best to understand.  Don’t appear too busy, disinterested or try to shift the topic back to you. Every one of us needs a bestie with a great listening ear. Give her validation and empathy when appropriate. Be compassionate and sensitive.  Cry with her, laugh with her, speak truth in love, encourage her and pray with her.  
Tell Her What She Means to You:  It’s easy to go through life assuming someone knows what they mean to you and the impact they’ve had on your life. But oh, how much it means to actually hear them say it. Tell your friends what they mean to you. How their act of kindness changed your day. That you are so thankful God placed them in your life. Let them know! We need to show gratitude for the sweet souls that choose to journey with us.

Spend Time Together:  As I said last week, if we want long-lasting friendships we have to invest time in them. Familiarity breeds friendship! We need to make a conscious effort to carve out the time to put in the hours for that friendship to develop. Sharing life together in meaningful ways ensures intimacy in our friendships.

Enjoy Her Happiness:  Jealousy, envy and competition have no place in a friendship.  None.  And if they are in your friendship, you had better get it sorted out quickly before your friendship suffers.  So your thin and your friend is curvy?  Your children get B’s and C’s but hers get straight A’s?  Her husband gives her flowers and you wish yours did?  Or your single and she’s happily married?  BE HAPPY FOR HER!  Period.  You have to respect each other and be supportive, not undermining and competitive.  We’re called to invest in, encourage, and build others up.
 

I am very grateful to have an amazing group of girlfriends, my heart sisters, who I feel totally at home with. Some go back as far as, well, let’s just say far back. A few I’ve made in the last few years or so.  I love friendships where there is a mutual felt sense of being able to truly relax, be ourselves and know that neither of us would do anything to harm the other. It just feels safe.  It’s like being wrapped in a fuzzy, warm blanket on a cold, winter’s day.

This week tell your friends how much they mean to you.  Send them a little note card of thanks.  And stop back next Friday for our next study on Biblical Besties!

another new study? i think yes!

lately, this has been a subject that is near and dear to my heart.  as i seem to be walking into a different season in my life, i’ve had many friends walking the other way.  as heartbreaking as this is, it’s a part of life.

so, i thought it was time for a different study…one not on marriage.

what does it take to find a forever Biblical bestie?  one that will remain even when the seasons change.  what does a Biblical bestie look like?  what do you need to do to make sure you are being a true bestie?  and what to do when a friendship ends.

join me, starting november 1, for a month long look at every aspect of friendship.  so so so super excited!!!