Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

When You’re Only Left With Sadness

Not long ago, I wrote this post about a super ouchie, hurtful situation we had endured as a family.  That was nearly five months ago.  In that time the dust has settled, the anger has retreated and what I’m left with is hurt.  Hurt and sadness.

My mind has been spinning lately with where to go next.  What do you do with the hurt?  How do you cope with the sadness?

My first thought it to just put it in a little, pretty jar and place it on a shelf.  File it away and just forget about it.  Honestly, that’s what I’ve tried to do thus far and it just hasn’t worked.

Every circumstance God allows in our lives gives us the opportunity to make a choice…will we allow it to grow us and become better, or will we allow it to make us bitter?

Even though I’m hurt, and some days sad, I don’t want to allow that to take root in my heart.  Not long ago I walked through a hard valley in life where nearly every drop of joy drained from me. Those days were hard and long. Days when tears flowed easily and I’ve felt like throwing my hands in the air and just being done. Days where I was withdrawn, building walls around myself and just wanting to stay inside my safe little home.

I can’t return there. And with that, I’m on the road to healing my heart.

Forgiveness

I’m going to be honest, I’m not a good forgiver.  If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s holding a grudge. Actually, I might even be considered a professional grudge holder. Forgiveness, no matter who it is directed to, is something that just doesn’t come easily to me.  Add in someone hurting my children as well and it’s doubly as hard.

How do you forgive the one who caused such pain. And created those hurt, deep, searing wounds.

What does Jesus say about holding a grudge? He commands us to overlook sins and forgive those who hurt us. He doesn’t ask us to do that, the Lord commands us to do that.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
 

But somewhere buried in our subconscious, we think the rules don’t apply to us. The pain we know doesn’t fit the requirements of forgiveness.

And then we become resentful, angry, unforgiving and cold.

I am beginning with one simple statement…this is my opportunity to show them Jesus through me.  To be kind and tenderhearted, expecting nothing in return.

Reaching out

This one is hard for me. Whether I want to admit it or not, this girl can be so proud! That certainly isn’t an endearing quality. God’s Word has much to say about pride.

When we love our relationships, we should have no room for pride and arrogance to creep in. Regardless of who is to blame, when we are really serious about reconciling a relationship, we put aside our pride and sometimes that means being the first one to take the step towards restoration.

Forgiveness doesn’t always equal relationship

Sometimes relationships flat-line and some are just toxic. I honestly just don’t know how to take a single step forward in a relationship that has dead-ended.  Ones where there is no earthly way of moving forward. Where I just don’t know which way to go.

All I do know is this, we are to love one another.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34
 

I have to believe that forgiveness and love doesn’t mean we’re required to have a relationship.

Love doesn’t mean we walk back in. It doesn’t mean we forget. It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and we aren’t thankful that the journey brought us out.

It means we continue to love, even from a distance. We choose the best for them, for us, for this time. We refuse bitterness.  We refuse anger.  We refuse to keep allowing our heart to stir. We become aware of our pain and we seek and find healing.

When you don’t know how to move forward, choose love. When there seems to be no earthly way of moving on, choose love.

10 Ways To Encourage Your Teenage Daughter

We are raising daughters in such a difficult generation. A generation that is all about ME. A generation where the world and the media scream to them the most important things are power and beauty. As a mother of a teenage girl, I sadly see how young girls long to be popular. In the process, they claw their way to the top. And those they tramp on? Mere causalities. They lose focus of who they were created to be. Like you, I’ve been there myself.

They are inundated with messages through the internet, television, and magazines that remind them of how they don’t measure up to perfection.  All you have to do is look around a bit while you are in line at Walmart. Nearly every magazine will have a big breasted, half naked woman. What message does that send them? It says to be beautiful, to be attractive, to be wanted and to be worthy you MUST look like that. And if you don’t, well, you’re outta luck.

Every year, girls are engaging in sexual activity at younger and younger ages.  In fact, 23% of all 14 year olds are already sexually active.  There seems to be this huge surge of girls aggressively pursuing boys sexually.  Yeah, that makes this mama gray.

How can we help the hearts of our precious girls?  There are some super important things we must tell them.

1. Purity is cool. (although the world would never tell you that) Just look around, we are constantly bombarded by sex. When you fall in love, it’s natural to want to express your love in physical ways. But you also know God wants you to remain sexually pure—in both your actions and your thoughts. Sometimes it’s a tough balance, but showing love for another and remaining pure is possible. Respect yourself, respect your partner but most importantly respect God. And remember, you’re a lady! Make him treat you as one!

2. Your Worth Isn’t Based on Your Appearance. You are beautiful. Period. Not because of your lip-gloss shade or your new designer jeans. Not because you have on a sassy outfit and super cute new boots. Your worth is never found in your appearance, ever. You are beautiful simply because you were created in the image of God. You are a daughter of the King!

3.  It is absolutely okay to disagree with me.  It’s okay to disagree with others.  You are old enough to have a point of view, and I always want to hear it.  The only thing I ask is always voice your opinion respectfully.  As long as you do that, I will always always be willing to hear your side! 
4.  Modesty.  God gave us, as women, the gift of softness, femininity and beauty. It’s our responsibility to convey those without showing our sexuality. Allow your appearance to reflect your pure and virtuous heart. Know your worth and reflect it on the outside. Your body is a gift from God, honor it as such. I love this quote by Jessica Rey “Modesty isn’t about hiding ourselves, it’s about revealing our dignity”. We can absolutely dress beautifully without being out of fashion or immodest. The search might be a little harder but it’s not impossible. You will probably have to look past the racks they place at the front of the store but I promise it’s not an impossible task.

5.  You are not alone.  Ever. This could be one of the most heartbreaking realities I see among girls – they feel so desperately alone. I can absolutely remember being a teen girl, in a room full of people, yet feeling completely alone. It’s so easy as a young girl to just focus on that loneliness. But remember, you are never alone. God is always with you and I am forever here for you. Give your loneliness to Christ and open your heart for Jesus to show you companionship as He never has before. Embrace that.

6.  Have a servants heart.  It is so so important to love with a servants heart, to have empathy for those who are lost and hurting. After all, Jesus did say the second greatest commandment was to love your neighbors. Reaching out to others, being the hands and feet of Jesus, is one of the greatest callings we have in our faith. Not only does it show the love of Christ for the world, it’s also an opportunity for us to worship God and for us to grow more like Jesus. In today’s world, there is such a focus on self and it is a daily struggle to instead turn our hearts away from self. Take time. Be humble. Keep on. Love.

7. You were uniquely designed you to be YOU. You are His perfectly perfect creation, handcrafted by the same hands that made the stars. Jesus skillfully crafted the body, mind and soul of each and every human being while she was in her mother’s womb. So the next time your self-esteem is lacking or you feel not as pretty, thin, popular, etc. as the next person, just smile and thank the God who made you, died for you, and wants the best for you.

8. Honor your parents.  I know, I know.  I say this and all you hear is the peanuts teacher in your head. Blah blah blah. But this is a big one girlies! God gave one commandment to children, obey your parents. This is more than just obeying them, it’s treating them like important people. It’s treating them with love and respect. Sometimes we are asked to do hard things that we don’t understand, don’t want to do, don’t feel like doing or that anger us. But remember, when we obey God we always know that he will bless us and make us happy.

9. You will never be perfect.  God does not demand our perfection to get His love.  Wow, isn’t that a relief?  God knows there is no possible way any of us could ever be perfect.  Ever.  But if you’ve put your faith in Jesus and received Him into your life then you’ve been declared righteous.  Let’s say that again, if you’ve received Jesus into your life you’ve been declared righteous!  You are covered under His grace, declared righteous and are precious in His eyes and you are held in the hand of His care. You are HIS and he loves you unconditionally.

10.  Guard your heart. You are to keep your heart safe and guard it from attack. Just a quick little side note…because everyone else is doing it is not a good excuse. There is a real war going on right now over your soul. Every single day satan prowls around and looks for an opportunity to pounce on your heart. You must be a warrior princess, put on the armor of God and guard your heart against attack. You need to be on guard about the occult, sexual sin, vanity, envy, greed, sassyness, gossip, lying, anger and pride.

I’m raising a daughter in this crazy world. I won’t always be there to protect her (oh how I wish I could) so I will tell her the truth. I can’t change the world, but I can prepare her for it.

opposite world

i was scrolling through my facebook feed this morning when an interesting article caught my attention. i couldn’t wait to click on it and read it. it was titled “Jessa Duggar Enters Courtship with Ben Seewald”. if you know me, you know i adore the Duggars.  i think it is amazing that a family with such great Christian beliefs has been able to share their lives with the world through their show.

the article was basically about Jessa entering into a courtship and it explained what a courtship was.  as i got to the end of the article, i noticed it had over 1200 comments.  i started reading through them and immediately i was saddened.  i read comments like “Too bad they can’t trust these two, they seem like nice young adults. Don’t care too much for the pious attitude of these people.” and “Man created god, not the other way around.”.
just a few weeks ago, i noticed this big stink being made about Miley Cyrus’s performance on MTV’s video music awards. miley was basically blowing up my facebook feed. we hadn’t watched the awards, so i missed it. i was super curious what all the commotion was about, so i searched for it. it didn’t take much searching at all to find it. i watched it in shock, with my mouth hanging open. my first thought was she was obviously high. between the outfit, the hair and the performance i just couldn’t wrap my mind around a sober person doing any of it. sadly, she was sober. it was a sexually charged performance, to say the least.
miley’s performance immediately came to mind today while i was reading the horrible, demeaning comments on the Duggar’s article.  we live in a society that is more accepting of a young woman gyrating all over a stage, making obscene gestures and acting crudely than we do a young woman wanting to remain true to God and save herself (and her first kiss) for marriage.
immediately, this verse came to mind.

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.
Isaiah 5:20

in the upside down Isaiah 5:20 world in which we live, vile and disgusting attacks on a woman who expresses biblical values are acceptable, even understandable. but saying that a girls father is the authority in the courting process, or that the parents provide advice and guidance, well, that is just beyond the pale.

it’s time y’all, time for us to take a stand for Christ.  take a stand for the world we want to live in.  God created you and i to have specific roles in His unfolding story. God didn’t create any of us to stand on the sidelines and watch the story unfold; He created us to be center stage.