But the war rages on.

It is no wonder that so many wives (maybe yourself included) are not overly thrilled about getting naked in front or a mirror, let alone with the man they married.

I don’t know about y’all, but my body certainly doesn’t look like it did when I was 20.  I’ve had babies, nursed babies, I have stretch marks, widened hips and gravity has certainly not been my friend.  My body has transformed.  Each transformation seems to ingrain more bodily shame. 

How can we stop this body image war?  What is the secret?

Well, first of all, I wouldn’t hold my breath for the media, advertisers and the porn industry to change.  I’m not so sure that is going to happen anytime soon.

Don’t believe the lies.  Chances are you are basing your actions on lies rather than truth. If you are like most women, you have been told (either directly or indirectly) that your worth is rooted in your appearance. That is an absolute lie.  It’s not that pretty and girly things are bad (like make-up, attractive appropriate clothing and a stylish haircut)… it’s that those pretty things are not who we are.  We are all made in Gods image. Every single one of us. Do you know what that means? I am beautiful, so are YOU, because we are daughters of the King and we were made in His image. Take a moment and let that sink in. You are perfectly perfect and what He wants you to be.  Your value is not in your breasts, hips, hair, lips, eye color, skin tone or stomach muscles.

Get active.  Take a stand.  Fight fat talk.  Be positive.  Accept compliments.  Don’t buy into the media “image” hype.  Talk to your husband about the lies the media loves to force feed us.  Enlighten your children about authentic beauty, authentic sexual intimacy and God’s plan for marriage

Talk to him.  And be completely honest with him.  Study after study would show that the vast majority of husbands desire their wives – and they want wives who want to fully participate in sex and embrace it for the gift it is.  The hang up about body appearance is more about our own insecurities than it is about their expectations.  Nurturing sexual intimacy to its fullest in your marriage has so much to do with embracing the beauty and femininity of who you are. And you are beautiful.  When he tells you he thinks you are beautiful and sexy, he really does mean it.  Believe him.  Accept the compliment and embrace it.  Embrace him and his love.

I can still remember the first moment that I saw your face. You were looking at me. And I thought to myself “what in the world is this guy staring at”. Years after years we repeatedly kept resurfacing in each others lives. Until finally, I realized you seemed very familiar to my heart. You stole my heart and our life journey began.  

There are no words to describe how thankful I am that God brought us together. We were two imperfect sinners that God saw something in. Others around us didn’t understand it, but it didn’t matter. God knew exactly what He was doing and His plan was perfect.

At that point in my life I needed to feel worthy, loved and protected. You rescued me from all the past pain, struggles and hurt. You showed me I didn’t need to be weary, always questioning, afraid and on alert. In your arms I felt safe and protected. You showed me that God did answer that little girl’s prayer for a prince charming.

You knew you were getting a broken girl, yet you grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and stepped forward with me. With you by my side, everything else seemed to melt away. You put up with so much in those first days; tears that came from nowhere, fear that wasn’t understood and anger that was unfounded. Yet by my side you stood.

And your voice, oh that voice, I’m not sure you ever truly understood how much it meant to me. When you sang to me, I believed every single word. Your voice mended my broken heart. It sewed the pieces back together. Your voice lifted me up, making me feel as if I was the only beautiful girl in the entire world. You didn’t just sing to me with your voice, you sang to me with your heart.

When we got married, I thought I knew what love and marriage was. I thought it was about love and kisses.  I thought it was about being swept off my feet daily.  What I know now is that being married to you has allowed me to be myself. You want me to be the best I can be and you support me every chance you get. You want me to to be happy. You like me the way I am even though I am outspoken, sometime sassy an sometimes I roll my eyes. You are so patient with me (which is no easy task, sir). You bear with me, gently correcting me. You allow me to be myself.

The reality of our marriage has been so much more complex. We make life changing decisions together. Marriage involves an intimacy that takes my breath away when I allow myself to think about it. You have seen me at my worst and you love me anyway.  You have been so incredibly mad at me and still you love me so much. The intimacy of that love year after year is astounding. At every crossroad there is a choice to make…keep committing to our love or to get annoyed, give up and stop. Every time, you choose love.  Here you are, still by my side.

Being married to you is the most interesting, challenging, amazing, mind-opening, loving, growth-inspiring decision I ever made.  Such an amazing man I’ve been blessed with.  I look forward to 50 more years of crazy love.

Marriage is amazing, and I love it. But it’s hard work y’all. Marriage is difficult. That is obvious when you see how many couples end in divorce. The only way to make your marriage truly work is to center it around Christ and make a conscious effort daily to work on it. God intended marriage to mirror His relationship with the church so that we could basically be a testimony to others and SHOW them what God is like. Here are a few tips for both wives and husbands on how to have a happy marriage.

Don’t be unfaithful.  This is huge.  Marriage is sacred, period.  Being unfaithful to your spouse proves that not only do you not respect them but you are also untrustworthy.  The pain it bring is in no way, shape or form worth it. 

Don’t neglect yourself. Shave your legs, do your hair, put makeup on and put on that outfit of yours that he just loves

Don’t talk about him behind his back. We need to remember that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Guard your husband’s weaknesses; don’t announce them to the world. i definitely have weaknesses. I would be mortified and humiliated if my husband teased about it or loudly wished for someone with that strength. Remember the “golden rule”…Do to others as you would have them do to you Luke 6:31. Our husbands need our respect. What a great way to respect them by not trash talking them.

Don’t compare your marriage to movies. The problem isn’t wanting a fairytale romance but trying to compare your marriage and your spouse to those whirlwind romances in the movies. so many times i’ve been guilty of that myself, and i simply set myself up for disappointment and failure. We need to truly love our husbands without unreal expectations.

Don’t be disrespectful. Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. {Ephesians 5:33} I’ve read this verse over and over again. it doesn’t say respect your husband only when you feel he deserves it, it doesn’t say he has to GIVE respect to GET respect and it’s certainly not up to us to deem when he is worthy of it. God was pretty clear with this verse, the wife MUST respect her husband.

Don’t lose the friendship. Building friendship in marriage takes a lot of work and time. We have to realize that straight away and commit to it. If it’s something you truly want, the hard work and commitment won’t feel like a big deal at all. i think one important thing is choosing to spend time together rather than apart. Whether it’s taking a quick trip for ice cream or sitting beside him watching football, time together is absolutely precious.

Take the time to find out what it is that you still have in common. Chances are you will find out you still have quite a few things in common. Find out what the common interests are and explore them together. Joe and I love truck pulls, watching big brother and random road trips. Don’t forget to have fun! Fun is a key ingredient to a successful friendship. No one wants to spend time with a debbie downer.

Don’t think marriage is all about you. Marriage is not all about you…contrary to what the world tells you, it’s not about your happiness. It’s not about getting your needs met. It’s about going through life together and serving God and each other. It’s about committing yourselves to each other, even though you may be different people in the years to come.

Don’t nag. Bite your lip and don’t nag or complain. I know, this one can be a challenge. Especially for this big-mouthed girl. But if I can do it, I’m certain anyone of y’all can do it.

Don’t hold grudges. The Proverbs 31 woman wouldn’t love her husband with conditions or hold grudges and neither should we. God wants our love to be sweet, soft-hearted and lovely. And He wants it overflowing with forgiveness. By offering forgiveness, we are offering the grace that God has given us. Don’t cling to prior offenses, tucking them in your pocket to use later. Simply wipe the slate clean as soon as the offense happens. This will not only set your husband free, but you as well. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. {Colossians 3:13}

Don’t withhold sex.  Withholding sex is wrong. Period. Paul said that spouses have the responsibility to meet their spouse’s needs (within reason). I certainly do not believe that if your husband wants sex twice a day you therefore have to make love twice a day. Marriage is compromise! There is a certain level of reasonableness that should be met in a marriage. Refusing sex, or only making love extremely rarely, is a serious problem.  

Don’t lie. The truth is super important to women. If you lie to your wife you will be caught out at some stage, and then she will wonder how many other lies you have told her. Every lie makes your validity a little less and less. Eventually she ‘ll wonder if she can trust you at all. The truth might be painful, but it’s always the best choice.

Actually listen when she talks.  For real listen, not any of this half-listening business where you’re kinda listening but really watching TV.  And just interjecting a “mmhmmm” once in a while.  Not listening when someone speaks is rude and shows disrespect for the person. If you do this your wife will grow to resent talking to you, and that is not a good position to get into in your relationship. Concentrate on what she says, and respond intelligently.

Don’t point out her imperfections.  Seriously, we know our imperfections.  We are our own worst critics.  Believe me!  We all have imperfections because nobody is perfect.  It sure wouldn’t be nice if she pointed out yours, would it?  I bet it would hurt your feelings and might even make you angry.  Your wife surely doesn’t like it when the person closest to her – her husband – is the one bringing it up.   And you remember the reaping the rewards we spoke of earlier?  Yeah, this won’t so much do that.

Don’t force submission. Submission can’t be forced, ever. Trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful. It doesn’t honor God or others. And it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage. Being controlling isn’t loving at all. If your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am i loving my wife as Christ loved the church?”. If the answer is no, then I’d say that is something you need to work on. Work on your part and don’t worry about her part. Once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

Help with the littles.  Helping with the kids is something that is so so so rewarding.  From a wife’s perspective, there is nothing hotter than watching your husband be an amazing involved father.  This will strengthen your relationship both with your wife and your children. An actively involved father is one way of ensuring well-balanced kids.

Don’t compare her to other women.  In my heart, I can’t even imagine my husband doing this.  I can’t imagine the hurt and pain it would cause.  This is so sad, wrong and hurtful on so many levels. Just be kind. Kindness could be boiled down to 3 little words…love in action. When you are operating from a true heart of kindness, you will be extra careful how you treat your spouse. You would never want to be unnecessarily harsh or hurt their feelings. We need to be sensitive to their feelings and tender with our words. Even if you need to say hard things, we need to remember to speak the truth in love.