Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {To The Men}

this is the first time i’ve written a blog post specifically for men.  it’s kinda strange but i’m actually super excited {and a little nervous} to share Gods marriage design with you as well!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33


three times in this passage of Scripture God commands you as a husband to do something specific: love your wife.  
while your wife is instructed to submit, you are instructed to love your wife.  not just kinda sorta love her, but love your wife as Christ loved the church.  Paul does not tell you in this passage to rule over your wife.  you are never told, “make sure your wife knows you’re in authority over her or show her who’s in charge.”  instead God tells you three times to love your wife.
love her.  
God’s command to love your wife involves more than just acting in love when you feel emotionally 
or physically close to your wife. God doesn’t tell you to love your wife just when she is being 
affectionate and loving to you.  He doesn’t say to love your wife only when you feel she is deserving of it.  and it doesn’t say to withhold love when she’s sassy {thank goodness}.  God commands: cherish your wife. have affection for your wife. love her.
guys, let your wife know how much she means to you.  tell her.  tell her over and over again.  write her a note to tell her and hide it in a place she’ll find it.  believe me, she’ll appreciate that more than you know.  and she’ll more than likely shed a few tears.  give her a big hug and kiss when you walk in the door after work.  just hold her in your arms.  from a woman’s perspective, this little act of kindness can wash away the negative things that happened during the day and change the tone of the evening.  and i betcha this would also be a good step towards getting that smokin’ hot marriage we all want  🙂    
how did Jesus ultimately show His love the church? He died to establish it. wow… i know, right. are you willing to do that?  you are also to love your wife more than you love yourself. in reality, Christ is asking you to put your wife’s needs before your own. what makes that difficult is our own selfish hearts. it doesn’t help that you have the world in your ear, telling you that you are entitled to put your own needs first.  and if you don’t…well then your either a sissy , hen-pecked or really foolish.

submission can’t be forced, ever.  trying to control others (including your wife) is prideful, selfish and sinful.  it doesn’t honor God or others.  and it certainly won’t make for a very happy marriage.  being controlling isn’t loving at all.  if your wife isn’t submitting, ask yourself “am i loving my wife as Christ loved the church?”. if the answer is no, then i’d say that is something you need to work on.  work on your part and don’t worry about her part.  once your heart is in the right place, then the two of you can work on submission together.

a truly Christian marriage will mirror the relationship between Christ and his church.  this mirroring will involve both the husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife gladly submitting to her husband. the two elements, love and submission, are non-negotiable within the relationship. both elements, love and submission are required for our marriages to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

so this week…guys, love on your wife.  hug her, kiss her, hold her, listen to her and just spend genuine quality time loving her.

Love, Respect and Godly Submission {Hushing the World}

when you mention the “s word” to the world, they are quick to voice their opinion.  why are you so stupid?  the world will tell you that you are equal to men, not beneath them.  women like you make us look weak.  you should be expressing your opinion, not silencing it.  you should be calling the shots, not letting him lead.  your marriage should be 50/50, that’s only fair.  don’t be a doormat.  

but ultimately, what matters is your following Gods word.  not the world’s opinion.

so, let’s travel back to the beginning of the Bible and read a few key verses that directly tie in to submission.

i think we all agree that God created Adam first.  then God made a decision, that we see revealed in Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

as you can clearly see, it doesn’t say i’m going to make man someone to rule over him, someone to sass at him or someone to disrespect his every decision.  it says “make him a help meet“.  so, what exactly is a help meet?  it carries the meaning of aid, succor, one who helps. Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has spent years translating the book of Genesis. he translates it “sustainer beside him”. when God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. the word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. and in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. your ezer.  kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.
boy, that sure sounds different than what the world would define “help meet” as, doesn’t it?

God created woman from man’s rib, brought her to the man and they became husband and wife.  in Genesis 2:17, before Eve existed, God has given Adam some instruction.  

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
Genesis 2:17

and what do we see Even do next?


And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Genesis 3:6

oh, Eve. why? then she gave it to Adam, and he took a bite too. yikes.  so we see clearly that Eve took the first bite then gave it to Adam.  so she sinned first, right?  but in Romans 5:12 we see that “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin”.  but, how did sin first enter the world through one man, when the woman was the first to sin?

what we see is the first picture of headship.  Adam was who God gave the instruction to.  Adam was responsible for his and Eve’s sin.  i’m going to tell y’all, if i was Adam i would have been a little irked at Eve.  
so did Eve get off scott free?  aahhhhhh, not so much.  when we look at Genesis 3:16 we see God deal directly with the woman’s sin.  
I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.  Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
Genesis 3:16

so you know all that pain during labor?  yep, thank-you-very-much-Eve.

the second part of the verse basically means you will want to rule over your husband but you won’t be able to.  why?  because God’s design for man was to be the head of the household.

and that, sweet ladies, is where marital strife was born.

we read it, roll our eyes, and say “oh no you didn’t, not this woman, this girl is not about to submit”.  and we go on about our marriage.  having bouts of contention here and there.  years go by, the contention gets worse, and now we are irritated.  why can’t this marriage thing just be easy?  basically because there is a battle for leadership happening.  remember that sassy girl that said “oh no way” and had to honor and obey removed from her vows?  well she obviously wants HER opinion to he heard and HER ways followed.  i mean, isn’t she entitled to that?

and i’m fairly sure most men don’t want their wives to rule over them ladies.  just sayin’.

and here is when we come right back to Ephesians 5.  that is the only way to end this battle.  let’s look at all the verses.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33


and when you live an Ephesians life, your marriage will look different to the world.  that sure doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  i think there is a pivotal point when we need to decide who we want our marriage to glorify, the world or God.

the key is that when you are in an intimate relationship with Christ – when you have fully surrendered yourself to Him and desire Him and find your life in Him alone – then obedience to God’s commands is a joy and delight. and yes, even submission can be a joy. when you are convicted to obey Him, His words will bring joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment and freedom for you! and in turn, your life will bring glory to God. isn’t that what it’s all about?

so this week, sit down with your husband and read over Ephesians.  talk about your marriage, your roles and who your marriage is glorifying.  and go on a date, just because i love reconnecting with my love  🙂  don’t forget to stop back next friday as we take a look at the husbands role in submission. remember, keep your eyes on Him!

ignite the fire of your marriage {dream}

dreams…something i’ve always loved.

i was “that girl”.  the one that would spend hours pouring over catalogs, cutting out pictures of wedding dresses, baby cribs, bedding sets and kitchen cabinets.  those images would them be pasted into a scrapbook.  basically a scrapbook of dreams.

i was also the girl that would spend hours writing her name with his last name.  dreaming.  dreaming of when my name would change to his.

and then i met my husband.  my dreaming changed to our dreaming.  hours spent discussing the future, babies, decorating a house and holding our grandbabies.

even still, 17 years later, one of my favorite conversations begins with “remember when”.  i love to discuss those early dating and marriage years.  from the night he looked into my eyes and sang the most amazing song (which made me cry) to the times we would laugh, for hours, and have no idea why we were laughing.  from the first time i tried to make that awkward-super-scary jiffy pop popcorn on the stove (i swore it was going to explode) to the time i was pregnant with our first baby, and took a laughing fit that ended with me crying (he was just as confused as i was by that one).

throughout the years, we’ve never stopped dreaming together.  sometimes our dreams are about the future, and sometimes they are reminiscing about the past.  regardless of what we are dreaming about, our dreams are always together.  so many times couples keep dreaming, but they don’t dream together anymore.

recently, we went on a family vacation to the beach.  we were all enjoying some time jumping the waves and hanging out in the water.  my husband and i were spending a little time embarrassing our kids (aka…kissing) and i realized something.

in a few years, our littles will be leaving the house and heading to college.  so many times parents have lost who they were as a couple during the years they were parenting.  they spent so much time raising children, they stopped taking care of each other’s needs and grew into strangers. their children leave for college, they look at each other and realize they have no idea who this person is they are living with. actually, a staggering 1 in 6 divorces happen after children leave for college.

i realized during our vacation that when this happens, we’ll be fine.  we’ve put such an emphasis on staying connected, still dating each other, pursuing each others heart and still dreaming together.  i like to think of this as “feathering our empty nest”.  spending years preparing our nest, before it’s actually empty.  will there be tears when my littles leave?  of course, remember, i’m a crier!  and i will miss their faces, cooking them dinner and yes, doing their laundry.  

it is so important as a married couple to spend time discussing your goals, what you would like to accomplish in life, where you want to vacation together, what you want to see your littles do in the future and so much more. share the big things and the little things.  honestly share your heart with each other. dreaming together is so important to marriage, it’s a crucial part of your relationship. it not only keeps you on the same page but it helps you to feather your nest, preparing it for the future.


 

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other’s hearts
Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we’d never give it up
Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn’ back it’s just a steppin’ stone
To where we are,
Where we’ve been
Said we’d do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won’t be sad, we’ll be glad
For all the life we’ve had
And we’ll remember when

ignite the fire challenge…make a list with your husband about your future marriage dreams and talk about how you can work towards these dreams together. then spend time praying over this list together.