Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

ignite the fire of your marriage {passion}

today begins a new marriage series i am super excited about, ignite the fire.  the topic this week is passion.

do you remember butterflies?  the ones that happened that very first time your boyfriend reached for your hand.  the ones that would happen when he would talk about marriage.  or the ones that happened the first time he kissed you.

the butterflies will eventually be a lot less frequent.  i’ve sadly watched so many people spend a lifetime pursuing new relationships and chasing those butterflies.  just because those new, fluttery feelings might not be a daily occurrence certainly doesn’t mean your marriage is over.

you need to be purposeful about cultivating passion in your marriage.

how can you keep passion alive?  you have to desire it.  you have to want it.  you have to be deliberate about it.  you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to reach the goal.  you have to engage your heart fully in the joyful pursuit.

i read an amazing book, Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus.  i would highly recommend this book to every. single. couple.  it is a verse by verse exploration of the Song of Solomon, one of the most loving, romantic and poetic Books found in the Old Testament of the Bible!  if God ever gave us an instruction manual for passion in marriage, Song of Solomon is it!  God wants married couples to have a love so hot, so passionate, so intense that nothing will be able to extinguish it.

so how can you ignite the passion in your marriage?
pursue your spouse.  now, this one is a bit tricky.  men and women are so different.  i know, right, can i get an Amen?  pursuit, to most men, means feeling desired (ladies, read that as “sex”) and affirmed through respect, honor and appreciation. most women, on the other hand, are more likely to want to be pursued through time, attention and tenderheartedness (guys, read that as “romance”).  
  • write your spouse a love letter.  write it in a way that would say “i love you” to them (which means it might not necessary be the kind you would want to receive).  explain to your spouse that you want to work on pursuing passion in your marriage.   
  • initiate a sexual encounter in a creative way, especially if your spouse always initiates.
  • read the Song of Solomon out loud together each night before bed
  • plan a date that revolves around something your spouse enjoys
have fun. when was the last time you did something with the purposeful intention of just having fun together? one of my fav things my husband and i have in common is a love for laughter. actually, his ability to make me laugh was one of the reasons i fell head over heals for him. 
  • plan a spontaneous adventure and surprise your spouse with it. this could be a night away (minus kids) or even a little mini-date. 
  • see a funny movie together, or take in a comedy show.
  • let your hair down and get silly: have a pillow fight or a tickle war.
be positive.  remember the reasons you fell in love with your spouse?  it’s super easy to focus on what annoys us about our spouse, but that is definitely a passion killer.  passion can’t co-exist with negativity.  so, develop a habit of being grateful and appreciative.  guard your heart against taking the good parts of your marriage for granted.  
  • say thank you.  plain and simple.  thank them for big and little things.  thank them for doing dishes, laundry or fixing your car.  i even thank my husband for just loving me (because i am fully aware there are days that can’t be easy).  
  • sit down together and make a list of the top five body parts you love (and think are super hot) about your spouse. (guys…your wife is likely in a body-image battle, even if you think she shouldn’t be. this will mean the absolute world to her)
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

this weeks challenge…ignite the passion in your marriage by investing into your husband joyfully. this may look different in every marriage. the challenge is to focus on an area of your marriage that is a little weak and pour time, energy and love into it.


read all the contributors posts on this topic:

out for now
~kisses

Wife After God {BOOK REVIEW}

Wife After God
A 30 Day Marriage Devotional For Wives
By: Jennifer Smith
over the past year, the Lord has really been busy working on my heart. He has given me a passion and a heart for marriage. not only for mine, but for all marriages. ones of the things i’ve enjoyed doing the most is reading and learning all i can about marriage…books, blogs, devotionals and bible study’s. one of my favorite blogs is unveiled wife. and when i read that jennifer smith had written a marriage devotional, i was beyond over the moon excited!

Wife After God is an encouraging, God-filled devotional that will, without a doubt, strengthen your relationship with your husband and with Christ.  daily i was more and more convicted on how i needed to work on my own marriage.

WHAT:  there are so many great, real topics in this book.  they aren’t fluff, they aren’t sugar coated, they are just real.  and that is what this wife likes.  real topics that i face every day.  a few of my favs are…forgiveness, intimacy, protecting your marriage and the importance of prayer.  
one of the sections that spoke directly to my heart was about being a good wife.  regardless of my husbands actions, behavior, thoughts and response towards me…i need to love him.  period.  and that ties directly in to the study we’ve recently done on the Proverbs 31 woman.  
WHO:  every single wife.  period.  there is something in this devotional that will touch your heart, i guarantee it.  no matter how many years you’ve been married, there is always more to learn.  God created a beautiful covenant with marriage.  His highest purpose in marriage is to showcase the intimate relationship between Christ and His people. He gave us the responsibility to tend to our marriage and to be a beautiful reflection of His heart.
HOW:  each day there are a few focus verses, a 2-3 page thought directly from jennifers heart that includes scripture and stories, a beautiful prayer, a personal challenge for you, thought provoking journal questions and a status update. i actually kept a daily journal and looooved it!  this would be such an amazing book to use in a ladies bible study.  
WHERE:  to purchase your own copy of the book, click here.  you can purchase it in either paperback or for your kindle.
thank you so much jennifer for your ministry, your heart and your transparency.  you are such an encouraging Christian role model in an opposite world.  
out for now
~kisses

Dating Vs. Courtship

when i was a teenager, i couldn’t wait to turn 16 and start dating.  i actually didn’t know there were any other options and had never heard of courtship.  i had a few long term relationships, got my heart broken and accumulated suitcase after suitcase of emotional baggage.  those emotional scars would shape and transform the person i was.

as i’ve grown older, i’ve purposely learned more about courtship.  courtship is also a topic that’s important to me because i think a lot of Christian young people have had their hearts broken through dating.  as a mama, i want to protect my kids from that.  i’m purposely trying to cultivate a courtship mindset in my littles.

like I said earlier, anyone who’s played the dating game knows that a broken heart or hurt feelings is part of the package. it’s unavoidable, period. you place your heart in the hands of different people in hopes of YOU finding the one. doesn’t sound very wise, does it? you will, undoubtedly, end up feeling rejected, hurt and abused.

the alternative?  courtship.  what is courtship?  let me try to explain it, from what i’ve learned.  now, i’m not an expert by any means.  so if you see something i’ve wrongly stated, please correct me.
*  courtship involves one guy and one girl.
*  courting is a commitment that this is the person you want to consider the next step with,  you are both ready to consider marriage.  which means courtship isn’t entered into during preteen or early teen years.
*  the young man initiates the process.  this is something our world has gotten away from.  these days, girls and boys ask each other out.
*  courting is learning about selflessness, sacrifice, loyalty and faithfulness.  what you put into practice before you marry, is what your marriage will end up being a reflection of.
*  the couple are getting to know each other with the purpose of considering each other as potential spouses, not just someone to go have a good time with.
*  the girls emotions are protected.  if the young man has no intentions of marrying her, then courtship isn’t entered into.
*  the couple is always chaperoned.  we don’t want to put our kids in horrible tempting situations that are too close for comfort. expecting anyone to resist the temptation for sexual sin when alone with a boy/girlfriend as their relationship grows deeper is a stretch. they have chosen to remain pure until marriage, but that doesn’t mean the temptation won’t be there.  just because our littles love the Lord doesn’t mean they are immune to sexual temptation.  
*  the couples parents provide advise and guidance.  we need to be extra involved in their lives, talking to them, being their friends, advising them, protecting them.  what we don’t need to do is send them alone in a car with their girlfriend or boyfriend for the evening.
*  there is accountability to others in the relationship.
*  the girl’s father is the authority in the process, as his main goal is to protect his daughters heart.  
 

marriage is a very big deal and we need to treat it as such. the world today views marriages as disposable. marriage is a lifelong, God honoring covenant. it should not be entered lightly and it shouldn’t be viewed as something one step above dating. marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride. when our marriage falls apart, what picture are we showing?

so, this is my opinion and outlook on courtship. hopefully through this you’ll learn a little more about it, as i have. and hopefully you’ll consider it for your littles as well.

out for now
~kisses