Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Forgetting That Date

My marriage was dying.

It was like a slow, silent kind of death.  One we were both uncomfortably aware of but unwilling to speak about.

Hopelessness consumed our days.  We wore hurt and brokenness daily like winter jackets.

Our marriage seemed comprised of arguments, an unwillingness to understand each other and selfish hearts.

We were living in the same house and unsure of what the future looked like.

On a warm summer day the silence was broken and we found ourselves at a crossroads between divorce and reconciliation.

The first thing I did was look at the calendar, knowing it was a date I’d never forget.

That date.  That date.  That date.

We spent days being swallowed up by anger.  We spent days having tear soaked faces.  We spent days having hopelessness walk beside us.

But then…

THEN GOD.

There was a night when I was at my breaking point.  I got in my car and started driving.  I ended up on a hill in the middle of the woods.  The sky was covered with stars and I could see for miles around.  I listened to hymns, sang along, cried my eyes out and talked to God for hours on end.  When I left the hill that night I had something new, HOPE!

I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my husband what the conversation between God and I held.

In that moment we were catapulted into trusting Him more than we ever had to in the past.

We handed our marriage to God, knowing we couldn’t revive it ourselves.  And with that, God breathed new life into our dying marriage.  He showed us both forgiveness in a way we had never known and restored our marriage, making it better than it ever had been in the past.

The new marriage we had was amazing.  It was filled with compromise, hope, selflessness and love.

But every year I still remembered that date.

That date.

On that date my heart would still feel pangs of sadness.  I would pull our story out and read over it from beginning to end.  I would blog about it.  I would talk about it.  I would re-walk our journey.

Each year I sat that day aside to relive it all.  All the hurt.  The arguments.  The selfishness.  And the death of my marriage.

I had never fully allowed God, and my husbands love, to heal my heart.

Until this year.

One day I realized, no matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t remember that date.  A date that at one time held such significance no longer did.  A date that was spent reliving all the hard had been erased by all the good.

I told my husband, and a smile graced his lips.  I hadn’t realized how my reliving that date hurt his heart.  He told me he’s always hoped the love he has for me, and the love he shows me, to be enough.  Enough to erase that date and make it insignificant.

That’s exactly what it did.

A combination of a lot of heart work by God and my husbands selfless love erased it completely.  Where there was once a void there is now amazing love.

I want you to know God can see into the deepest depths of your heart.  He knows exactly what it will take to restore Hope into your heart, into your life and into your marriage.  He meets us where we are and loves us just as we are, sinners.  He showers us with his amazing grace.  We have a God who knows how we feel, and really cares.  He knows our doubts and hopelessness.  He can help when we’re willing to bring those things to him.  God walks with us during our hopeless times and never leaves us.

Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Our marriages aren’t exempt from this.  When we are in the middle of a trial in marriage, it’s hard to see how God could ever use it for good.  But He has promised to use them for good, and He is faithful to keep His word.  Give your marriage over to God and allow Him to heal the hopeless and the hardness.  He will bring beauty from the ashes.  And in time you will forget that date too.

Parents and PDAs

Hugs, hand holding and kissing are all normal scenes in our home. 

I love you is a daily statement between all of us.

And yes, I can usually count on a butt smack when I walk past my husband.

We’ve never hidden the affection and love we have for each other from our children.  I think it’s great for kids to see Mom and Dad putting their relationship first.  Most of the time, especially in today’s society, the opposite happens.  Parents are making their kids a priority and at the end of the day, they just don’t have any time left for each other.

Why is affection in front of your kids important?

1.  You’re showing them a healthy marriage

It’s so important that our kids can watch us giving our spouse love and respect.  That they can see we are still pursuing our spouses heart.  The byproduct is that my kids see their parents dating.

Our kids are watching us.  They are learning to be comfortable with affection and to be affectionate with their own partner in the long run.  Kiss your husband, dance with him and hold his hand.  Pursue his heart.  Show them your romance.  What an absolutely perfect place for them to learn about love!

And think about it, if Christian marriages look boring why would our kids want to grow up and have one of their own?  We need to show them that even though what the world has to offer looks fun and exciting, a Christian marriage can blow that out of the water!  They will undoubtedly pick up certain things from media and movies but the most important lessons come from you!  We need to be modeling a healthy, fun and exciting marriage to our children if we want to have any hope of them wanting it for themselves.  This constantly teaches something healthy to counter the constant barrage of media, pop culture and peer influence.

We are not only telling our kids what a happy, healthy marriage looks like, we are showing them.

2.  You’re giving them security

When children see their parents giving each other time, affection, and respect it is a reassurance of our love and makes them feel secure.

They can see their parents taking care of themselves so that frees that up to enjoy being a child.  They don’t have to worry about Mommy and Daddy because they take care of each other.  Seeing parents happy together breeds emotionally healthy children.

Whether we know it or not, our kids worry about divorce.  They hear at school about their friends parents getting a divorce, and it makes their little minds wonder about their parents.  When they see affection between their parents, and can see their parents love each other, it squelches those fears and gives them security.

3.  You are helping your marriage!

There is power in a kiss, even if it happens while you’re cooking dinner.  Kissing brings a spike in dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.  This increases feelings of pleasure, longing and contentment.  And it fosters bonding.  So that kiss while you’re cooking is really helping your marriage!

Kissing is an essential act of marital intimacy.  I am a big supporter of pursuing your mans heart and being intentional about intimacy.  That is apparent by reading my series called Intimacy Ignited.  You will have a better, more fulfilling marriage if you’re kissing often.

So go ahead, embarrass your littles.  Show them you’re healthy marriage.  Pursue your husbands heart and plant a big ole’ smooch on him today.

Why I’m Thankful We Married Young

married couple

Today I am celebrating 22 amazing, hard, exhausting, lovely, fun, exasperating, learning, beautiful, blessed and love filled years I’ve been married to this man.

We are no strangers to storybook romance.  Marrying at 20 and 22, we are blessed to be familiar with this form of love – love as a falling and a pursuit and a passion.  We were introduced for the first time on a cold February evening, bundled up as we stood outside while snow gently fell around us.  We stood there with our cherry-red noses, enamored with each other.

One month later we were engaged.

We were met with opposition the moment he asked me to marry him.  At 20 most people still consider you to be a child, not yet an adult, and surely too young to consider marriage.

But we disagreed. We were ready, we felt called, we wanted more.

We were married three months after that, with vows breathed in the little country church I was born into.

We heard many opinions on our young, fast marriage.  Why would you get married so soon?  So young?  It won’t last longer than 6 months.  I bet you’re pregnant.  You are still kids, live your life first.

Our modern culture simply doesn’t understand why someone would get married so young and so fast (or have babies before 30 for that matter!).

Oh how thankful I am to have spent such sweet, formative years with my one and only.  How grateful I am that we knew back then that this was IT — that love is a covenant and you choose to love every day.  Love is what you do.  We set our love upon one another, and that love has only deepened, matured and strengthened over the years.

Maybe my husband and I were in the minority. We probably were.  But we went into marriage understanding that love is a choice and marriage takes work, and lots of it.

My husband is my best friend, my greatest supporter, a great leader for our family, a pillar of character and integrity, a hard-working provider, a man with a heart after God, and a servant-hearted and compassionate soul. He is amazing, and I’m totally smitten with him!

Here are some reasons why marrying young is worth it:

By marrying young we’ve essentially grown up together.  As people we constantly change and evolve, but by marrying young, we’ve been able to do that together.  As we grow through different seasons, we are able to lean on one another and we are able to enjoy the process a bit more because our best friend is by our side. This is something I will totally cherish forever, and these moments draw us closer together.

We hadn’t figured out what we wanted in a house, or how I wanted to organize a kitchen, or how we wanted to pay bills.  But you can grow up and make those decisions together, and it’s kinda fun!  We just figured it out ourselves. And because we hadn’t had our own routines for so many of these things, it wasn’t hard to merge.  Marriage has caused us to become more responsible.  As young, married 20-somethings, we went from working our first job to parents to home owners and more.  All before we turned 30.   Certainly there have been bumps in the road, but we’ve gone through them and grown because of them, and we’ve done it together.  I grew up with my best friend by my side.

I’ve never had to be alone.  I never have to live on my own.  I always have someone to come home to, someone I can snuggle with, someone who will encourage me when I am down. I always have a date for weddings, a movie buddy, someone to cook me dinner when I’m too exhausted, to tuck me in when I am sick, to binge watch TV shows with.  I always have my forever boyfriend by my side.

We’ve also grown as Christians.  Marriage has a way of sanctifying you.  This bull-headed, quick tempered, often selfish girl had to learn quickly.  Over the years God has softened and shaped my heart. He has opened my eyes and shown me so many ways that I need to do some hard, heart-work.  I’ve had to learn to handle conflict more humbly with both my heart, my actions and my words.  I’ve had to learn to put my pride aside and continue to learn to really apologize.  Selfishness is constantly being chipped away as we work to put the other’s needs first.

We had babies young as well.  And while not everyone would consider this a benefit to marrying young, we sure do!  Parenting caused us to grow, stretch, lean on each other, be responsible and have a greater grasp on what to really value in life.  The babies, who are now young adults, have brought so much joy and laughter into our home.  I can honestly say we had a great time raising them.  And when those babies move out of the house, we’ll still be in our mid-40s.  And though we’ll miss them, and I’m sure I’ll cry lots of empty nest Mama tears, we’re ready to travel and focus on each other.  We’re still young and we’re still energetic.

I am so looking forward to growing old with my husband, but I am also looking forward to years and years of having fun together before we do get old.  He is my best friend.  He is my lover.  He is my favorite person in the world.  I am so blessed to be able to be with him, and I am so blessed that we do have all these years together.  Why would you not want as many years as you could with the man that you choose?