I opened the door and felt the warm summer air hit my face.  I felt strangely numb as I walked to my car.  I put the key in the ignition, heard the music begin and the cool air circulate.  I was consumed by my thoughts, a mixture of excited and total sadness.

I had just left my appointment and finally had a diagnosis.

Adhesion Related Disorder.

This medical path I’m on began four years ago.  I accepted my journey almost as soon as it began, knowing it was a path God had chosen me to walk.  I know that He has a perfectly perfect plan through this.  It has been full of so many overwhelming blessings, I can trace His hand through it all!

I thought accepting this journey as His plan would make it easy.

He reminded me through lots of prayer and bucket loads of tears that this life isn’t promised to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.

I’m in pain every day, as these adhesions twist and turn inside me.  I imagine them as octopus tentacles, grabbing onto different points every day.  Pulling them in directions they aren’t meant to go.   Weaving their way around my intestines, attaching to my ribs and most recently wrapping around my sciatic nerve. Some days are easier than others.  But make no mistake, each day is full of pain.

ARD {Adhesion Related Disorder} is something that isn’t heard or spoken of very often.  To be honest, before my diagnosis I hadn’t heard of it.  Adhesions are basically the bodies repair system gone haywire. They are essentially the healing process after trauma or inflammation which has been afflicted on a part of the body.

Adhesions are an almost inevitable outcome of surgery, and the problems that they cause are widespread and sometimes severe. It has been said by some that adhesions are the single most common and costly problem related to surgery, and yet most people have not even heard the term. This lack of awareness means that, excluding infertility, many doctors are unable or unwilling to tackle the problems of adhesions.  Dr. David Wiseman

Healing of course is required to help stop bleeding, repair tissue and to get the body working again. Unfortunately it is the same repair system which leads to ARD, as the equilibrium goes into overdrive and creates far too much scar tissue (Adhesions).

Once adhesions take hold inside the body (especially in the pelvis and abdomen, where all my surgeries have been) they can cause major issues including:

So I thought the best way to combat that stigma is through education.

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of the changes are invisible.

Unlike having cancer or being hurt in a car accident, most people do not understand chronic pain and its effects.  Those that think they know, many are actually misinformed. These are the things that I would like you to understand about me.

Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my days in pain. And pain is exhausting. But I’m still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about work, my family and my friends.

Please understand the difference between happy and healthy. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, not extremely tired or that I’m getting better. I’ve learned over the years how to cope. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. 

Please understand that I know my body.  If I say I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take medication now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now.  It can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m somewhere, or I’m right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

Please understand that I would like nothing more than being normal.  I would love to wake up each morning and know the new day ahead wouldn’t include pain.  I would love to plan shopping days with my Mama without fear of being sick.  And more than anything else, I would love my husband to have a healthy wife and a normal marriage.

My sickness has, as I’ve said for years, been filled with blessings directly from God.  Throughout it all I’ve learned if we turn toward God in our pain, He can use our suffering to mature our faith.

Information on Adhesion Related Disorder.

I pulled into the parking lot, grabbed my camera bag and headed out for my photo shoot. Before my feet hit the ground, she excitedly ran over to me.

Guess what I had done? The tummy tuck we always talked about.

As soon as she spoke those words, she looked me up and down. The next words she spoke left me feeling like I had been punched right in the gut.

It’s really too bad you got sick, you were looking so good before that.

The photo shoot felt like a blur. All I wanted to do was crawl back into my car and cry my eyes out.

The things we speak to each other carry so much weight. The things we speak to ourselves determine what we believe.

On the drive home, through many tears, I ran to God. Y’all have no idea how many times He’s held me while I’ve ugly cried. I talked to Him like He was sitting right beside me.  Thank goodness He doesn’t judge my swollen face and puffy, red eyes.

For most of my life I’ve been a Negative Nancy and a Debbie Downer. As far as negative talk went, I was a pro. I could talk a mean game and cut to the bone with my words. The sad thing, this all went on inside my head. My entire life, I’ve compared myself to others around me. I was too fat, my booty was too big, I hated my nose, my teeth weren’t white enough and now lets add to it a stomach that is riddled with scars and looks like a road map.

Over the past few years, I’ve had a lot of bad days. I mean horrible, breakdown, take you to your knees days. Add to that the stress of multiple surgeries, weight gain, hair loss and scars beyond scars.

And it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I am beautiful as I am because I’m a daughter of the King and I’m made in His image. The tears slowed and a smile graced my lips.

I don’t have to compete with anyone.

My entire life I’ve been striving to be someone that I’m not.

I was searching for confidence in places I would never find it.

My husband loves me as I am.  My friends love my heart.  My scars from a bazillion surgeries tell a story of survival.  I am perfectly perfect as He wanted me to be.


A precious gem’s beauty isn’t always recognized until it enters the hand of a skilled jeweler who knows just how to clean and cut the gem in the way that will best reflect the light that shines on it.

I can be confident and so can you!  We can walk through this world with heads and hearts held high as daughters of the King.  Daughters who are messy and broken but transformed into beautiful simply because we are His.

True beauty is found on the inside. When we allow Him to guide us, mold us, to cleanse our hearts of anything that doesn’t please Him it’s reflected on the outside. We are beautiful on the inside and outside when we acknowledge Christ’s deep and abiding love for us. Love that doesn’t change with our appearance. He loves me in spite of my scars, booty, nose, bags under my eyes and droopy eyelids. His love is always, always, forever there and He accepts us exactly for who we are.

Sweet girls, embrace this truth with me today.