so i’ve debated back and forth on whether to even make this post this month…then i thought i’ve always kept it real here, no sense in stopping that now…there will be NO picture this month, totally not feeling it at all…

this month was horrible…the first 3/4 of the month i worked super hard, busted my butt exercising and spent most days sore as all get out, watched what i ate carefully and lost…a big fat nothing…totally frustrating beyond belief, sooooo bummed…

i *think* i know what is going on right now and it’s something out of my control…i’m just going to have to be patient and wait to see if it changes…

out for now
~kisses

I am one of those girls that likes to pretend that words don’t hurt my feelings.  I like to pretend I can just brush them off and go on about my day.  I take the hurtful words, cram them deep down inside and save them for another day.  A day that I’m by myself and can pull those words back out and stress over them all by myself.

Two nights ago the littles and I went out for dinner while we were waiting on my car to be worked on.  I had two restaurants planned out beforehand and had already browsed their menus and figured out what my healthy option would be from there.  I’ve been doing sooo well with sticking to my diet and i knew planning ahead was key for me.  But there was a wrench thrown in the works (as life does so many times) and we ended up having to go to a restaurant that I hadn’t planned for.  We walked through the doors, I panicked and had no idea what to pick.  I mean, there are people in line behind me, surely I can’t just stand here and whip out my weight watchers point calculator.  I panicked, rushed and reverted to my old ways.  I picked something that I knew was unhealthy.

Knowing I had made a bad choice, I hung my head and followed the waitress to our table to be seated.  I sat there, slightly stressing, and talked to myself.  (tell me I am not the only person that talks to themselves inside their head)  I knew I had ate extremely well all day long and was WELL under my points.  I whipped out my calculator, figured my points for my meal and a cup of soup.  I was pleasantly shocked that I was still 3 points under for the day!

The littles and I had a great dinner and really just enjoyed each others company, eating and laughing the entire time.  Then Jade said “my head keeps telling me not to have dessert but my belly is telling me to go get some”.  I told her we would hit up the dessert bar but just have a little bit.  I knew I had 3 points to spend and thought I would get a bit of ice cream.

I was standing at the ice cream bar, littles beside me, and I hear someone walking quickly up behind me.  I turn when I heard them start to speak to me.  It’s a man that I’ve never saw before in my life, ever.  He was a total stranger.  And he says “you know, that’s all very fattening”.  I stood there, mouth hanging open, and just stared at him.  I had no response (and those of you that KNOW me know that is something)

He had might as well of just walked up and told me I was just a big fat fatty, that is what it felt like he said anyways.  I again hung my head and walked back to my seat, carrying my ice cream.  I felt defeated and low.  In those 6 little words he managed to make me feel like the “fat girl” again.  I was instantly self conscious of what I looked like.  I wanted to crawl under the table and become invisible.  Those 6 words did more damage than that man would ever know.

My littles were instantly infuriated and wanted to spring to my defense.  I managed to play it off as not bothering me at all when what i really wanted to do was sit there and bawl my eyes out.  I knew if I did that we would have a big scene in the restaurant.  So I decided to turn it into a life lesson for them.

Lesson #1 was respect your elders.  The man was visibly older than I am, probably in his 60’s.  (might I add that is also old enough to know better) I told the littles you always respect your elders, no matter what

Lesson #2 was just because other people are ignorant doesn’t mean we have to be as well.  (I know, right, can you even imagine those words came out of my mouth).  I guess I was hearing those famous words my Mama has told me a million times “Amy Beth, keep your big mouth shut”.

I really wish people would think before they speak.  You have no idea  how sharp words are sometimes.  I’m working through it and I will be fine.  Cause this chickie, yeah, she’s a tough one  🙂

out for now
~kisses