Forever Beloved

Faith, Love & Truth

Dear Body

Dear body,


I would like to start this letter by saying two things…I am sorry and you are beautiful.  I’m sorry for all the terrible things I’ve said and thought about you.

You are an amazing creation that God designed specifically for me. You have carried me through 40 years of playing + walking + moving + learning + thinking + creating + loving + living.

I’m sorry for letting what other people think change my thoughts of you. Remember when we were little and we were friends? You weren’t good or bad or fat or thin or ugly or beautiful. You were just me. You were the vehicle I rolled down grassy hills in, screaming with laughter. I wrapped myself in you to swim in the ocean with my Grandma. You were the cocoon I snuggled in to sleep at night.

We’ve walked the streets of Mexico, the shorelines of beaches and countless parades while I twirled a rifle (which I hit you with many, many times).  We’ve birthed two perfect, extremely large babies and we’ve fed them with milk we made from cheeseburgers, steak salads and cold cereal. We’ve walk endless miles with my Mama shopping.  We’ve danced for hours, all sweat and motion.  We’ve survived!

You have endured multiple displays of my clumsiness, bad luck, horrible aim and dumb-flat-feet-make-me-trip. And by multiple I really mean uncountable…but yet, you kept going. You didn’t throw your hands up in the air and say that’s IT, this girl is unreal…how can she fall UP the steps and DOWN them?

Not to mention the countless surgeries over the past few years. Through it all, you never gave up or gave in. Not even in ICU where you were so, so very tired. It’s because of you that this Mama can see her kids grow up.

After all that, how do I repay you?  I belittle you.  I call you fat.  I complain about you.  I compare you to every single woman that walks past me. I talk to you worse than I ever would speak to anyone else.

I am so sorry for that. 

I want to appreciate you for what you are, not what I wish you were.  I want to appreciate every inch of you.  The stretch marks that show I carried two babies.  The lips and eyes that show my heritage.  The nose, crooked from being broken multiple times, that show I truly am as clumsy as I say.  The face that may sometimes droop on the left side that shows I’m a survivor.  The scars that show I’m alive! 
I wish I would have appreciated what a perfect gift God gave me when He gave me you.  I am so grateful for you and I vow I will try as hard as I can to change the ugly way I speak to you. 
I’m sorry.  Thank you.  I love you.

My Journey

If you’ve followed my blog for any amount of time, you know I keep it real here. And while I haven’t made a weight loss post for a long time, loooooong time, today it’s finally time.

The past few years have been hard; physically, emotionally and mentally. And honestly, half of 2015 was as well. My weight loss journey had been pushed aside. It’s was basically non-existent. Not only did I have physical limitations but I guess I had some mental ones as well. There were times I wanted to just throw in the towel and give up on my journey.  And on so many days, I did just that. So many days I felt defeated, broken and like a failure. I felt like I not only let myself down but also those people that always told me I had inspired them. I was embarrassed and many days didn’t want to leave the house and have others see me. And honestly, I was angry. I was so angry at myself.

BUT…

Halfway through 2015, something clicked. And I refused to let circumstances defeat me anymore. I refused to be broken. This girl right here, she’s a strong one. Finally, I was determined.

It didn’t come with flashes, bells or whistles. It didn’t need to be broadcast daily on Facebook. It simply didn’t need to be a public fight. It was a path I needed to walk quietly alone.

It came with a ferociousness that felt so familiar to me. It came with a determination that I loved. And it came with confidence that no matter the outcome, I loved my body as is. That, my friends, was the key I had been missing.

So far my weight loss hasn’t been an astronomical amount, it isn’t mind-blowingly obvious, but it’s all mine.  It’s a beautiful song and dance between my mind and my body, and I’m loving every minute of it.

2016 will hold more of my journey, more ups and downs. But I know in my heart, my body will be loved.

Thankful {22/30}

Today I am thankful for this side-by-side comparison, also known as a non-scale victory. God knew exactly what I needed to see to keep going, and He gave me that in this comparison. This journey isn’t easy, by a long shot. And every victory, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Believe me y’all, this is ALL Him.