Forever Beloved

This girl right here is a champion best friend maker. The problem comes in keeping those best friends. I mean, are my standards too high? Am I too picky? Are the friendship issues always my fault? Am I too loud, too forward and speak my mind too much?  All I know is in the end, I’m always the one left here, mouth agape, wondering what happened. Because…I thought we were friends.

God created women to crave deep personal relationships, so our friendships are a huge part of who we are. Chances are, right now you’re either smiling because you’re thinking about your own bestie or you’re feeling sad because you wish you had a bestie. Either way, your heart connects with the idea of friendship.

I remember a time last year where it felt as if I watched friendship after friendship roll across my Facebook newsfeed. Gals going on lunch dates, littles play dates, meeting for coffee, selfies together here and there. And here I was, sitting at home taking selfies with my chickens.

The most frustrating part is in my heart I feel as if I’m a good friend. I’m willing to put effort into initiating friendships. I’m devoted. I’m faithful. I do all the right things in hopes of finding heart-friends but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

I’ve spent a good amount of time asking God why this is happening, and what I can do about it. And by good amount of time I mean normally God and I have a tearful chat about it daily. I’m not sure exactly what my soul is craving, but God knows. And in that gap between my longing and Him fulfilling the fellowship I desire, I’m choosing to trust His timing.

During this time of few friends, I have spent a LOT more time with my husband and kids. Our relationships have all grown so super much and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’ve apologized to Joe for him having to be my everything {husband, provider, bestie, protector, etc.} but honestly, I love it and so does he.

I’ve had lots more time for God, which is a great thing! When we are in times of need, He wants us to run to Him. To crave Him. To find comfort in the love story He wrote for us. My relationship with Him has deepened, and I’ve found myself relying on HIM to minister to my needs rather than running around from person to person, ignoring His wisdom.

As I write this post through tears, many tears, I know God is the God of perfect time and He arranges and spends it purposefully. I’m trusting in Him, delighting in His timing and allowing Him to fill the gap. If I’ve done all I can do to seek something and I still don’t have it, there’s a good reason. Maybe several. In the mean time, I want to intentionally discover what He wants me to learn in the waiting.