Forever Beloved

They said he can’t come over because our family isn’t their type of people.

Not their type of people.

I’ve replayed those five words time after time.  Suddenly, I wasn’t hearing “Not their type of people.”  I was hearing, “You aren’t good enough.“

The sting of those words quickly set in.

Almost instantly memories of other hurtful words came flooding back.

Maybe it was the time I was told I couldn’t be friends with someone because I was adopted, and that means “you don’t know where she comes from.”

Maybe it was the time my birth-father said “I won’t be there for Christmas“, and I’ve never heard from him again.

Or the time I was told I was “too needy of a friend and should consider getting a job.”

I’ve been on the receiving end of painful words, words that cut to the bone and that pierce your heart and ache deep.

Words that leave you unable to breathe because they are so painful.

Time after time, words have pierced my heart and I’ve experienced the sting of rejection from them.  Those words, safely tucked away, to be pulled out later and replayed.  As I grew older and replayed the hurtful words said to me, I began to expect that eventually those closest to me would hurt me.  I began reading it into the actions and expressions of others.  I told myself I was essentially unlikable and helplessly flawed.  Perceived rejections only confirmed that conviction.

Words are powerful.

Words are so powerful that God used them to form the earth and breathe life into humans.

Our words carry immeasurable significance y’all.  God tells us in Proverbs 13:3 Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.  Our words can do two things: bless others or hurt them.

Words can’t be unheard after they’re said.  While sometimes people do say hurtful words on purpose, it’s just as likely they aren’t even aware.  They don’t even realize your heart has been bruised by their words or actions.

Why is this?

Because hurting people, hurt people.

The Bible tells us in Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

So all the pain, rejection, humiliation and shame that we have in our hearts will eventually be spoken to someone else.

I think we’ve all been on both sides of this.  We’ve all been on the receiving end and unfortunately the giving end of hurtful words.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.  How true that is.  It’s not about our intentions, it’s about the impact of our words and actions on others.

The truth is that our Lord stands ready and willing to lovingly take us in and offer comfort. He wants nothing more than for us to turn over those hurts and find healing in Him.

When I’ve been hurt by words there are reminders the Lord has whispered.

As I awoke in the recovery room, my eyes felt so heavy.  I just couldn’t open them.  They felt as if they weighed more than anything I had lifted in my life.  I finally surrendered and closed them again.

I rode the waves between consciousness and sleep.

I heard her walk in, insisting I wake up.  She must not understand the weight of my eyes.  I turned my head away from her, trying to drift back to sleep.  I heard her voice again, growing more frustrated with me.  I pried my eyes open one at a time.

Now that I was awake, the pain overtook me.  I could feel tears welling up.

I tried to collect my thoughts, but I could hear her stern frustrated voice again.  I couldn’t understand what her words meant.  I just had major surgery less than an hour ago.  How can she expect me to stand and walk myself to another bed?

I looked around the room for my husband.  He wasn’t there.

And I remembered.

This surgery, during the pandemic, is the first time my husband has not been allowed to be by my side.  He is always my rock, my protector, my fighter, and my advocate.

As she grabbed my arm and started pulling me out of the bed, I didn’t have any fight in me.  I tried to lift myself out of the bed, as the pain shot through my body like lightening the tears began to roll down my cheeks.

My tears seemed to frustrate her even more, and she reminded me that I’m not the first person to have surgery.

I felt as if time moved in slow-motion as I shuffled my feet to the new bed.  Once in the bed I turned on my side, hid my face and cried like a child who missed their mother.

I felt so alone.

What upset me the most wasn’t her asking me to wake up, it wasn’t her asking me to move to a different bed, it was her demeanor.  It was how unkind she was to me when I was my most vulnerable.

Kindness is immensely powerful.

What do people believe about Jesus based on the way you treat them?  What do your interactions with people say about your Savior?

That’s a hard question to hear, isn’t it?  Our world is a heavy one right now friend, just as heavy as my post-surgery eyes were.

How would Jesus have handled the controversial issues in our world today?  When Jesus encountered people who He felt needed “called out”, first He showed them love.

Jesus continually loved on people.  Even the people he felt needed “called out”, first He showed them love.  HE LOVED THEM!  Is it easier to hear criticism from someone if they loved on you first?  If they said it with kindness and you knew their heart was in the right place?  Absolutely!  It’s all about love, kindness and grace.  Gods greatest commandment was love one another (John 13:34).

Ephesians 4:32 says And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  And be ye KIND one to another.

Kind.  Kind.  Kind.

Would it have been easier for me to work through the pain of walking myself to a different bed if the nurse had been kind?  Without a doubt.

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit y’all.  Like the other fruits of the spirit, it can only be obtained through abiding in Christ.  It is an outgrowth of the genuineness of our faith.  According to the Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary, the Greek word translated kindness here is “the divine kindness out of which God acts toward humankind.  It is what the Old Testament means when it declares that ‘God is good,’ as it so frequently does. Christians should show kindness by behaving toward others as God has behaved toward them.”

Kindness is humbly giving of ourselves in love and mercy to others who may not be able to give anything back.  To someone that doesn’t deserve it and who frequently doesn’t thank us for it.

At times kindness can be associated with weakness.  But let me tell you, it is anything but.  It requires extraordinary strength and courage to show kindness, especially to those who don’t deserve it. And let’s be clear: not a one of us “deserves” it all the time.  There are times when responding with kindness has felt like it almost killed this stubborn, hard-headed girl.  In those moments, I always think back to my Dad and how he would respond.

Kindness is being considerate, generous, warm-hearted, and gentle.  It’s being friendly when the person across from you isn’t, it’s being warm when she’s cold, it’s being soft when they are hard, it’s giving when she has nothing to give in return, it’s running through the McDonald’s drive-thru to give that homeless person a warm meal and sometimes it comes in the form of holding your tongue.

Kindness is scrolling past the political post you vastly disagree with, it’s walking past the person in the store that obviously has a different opinion on masks than you do and smiling at them, it’s offering empathy and compassion to others, it’s standing with every race because we are all God’s children and it’s being selfless.

Kindness isn’t fair, just or equal.  Kindness doesn’t speak of the character of the receiver, but it speaks volumes about the giver.

There have been times when I’ve felt that gentle nudge on my heart to extend kindness to someone.  I’ve heard echoes of you’re naive, you’re being taken advantage of and you’re too easy.  My response is always the same.  When I feel called to be kind to someone, how I answer that call matters.

As Christ followers, we are to love as He loved us.  And His love is always, always wrapped up tightly in kindness.  We see time and time again His love offered to undeserving people.  A wife who just disrespected her husband, a child who just sassed their parent, a husband who just laughed at an inappropriate joke…in other words, every single one of us.

Hosea 11:4 says I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love.  To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.

We need to learn to be gentle, sensitive, and tenderhearted.  When we start being tenderhearted, it’s easy to be kind.  Having a heart that is easily touched and sensitive doesn’t mean your weak, although that’s what some would lead you to believe.  If we are sensitive to those around us, we start seeing their needs instead of our own.  Have a loving, tenderhearted, compassionate attitude and let it shine for everyone to see.

We are called to be kind to others because God is kind to us.  He loves us when we are unlovable, and He does this over and over again.  Kindness is extremely powerful.  You can change lives with your actions.  You can change lives by your words.  You can change lives with your kindness.  You can change lives by allowing Christ’s love to shine through you.

Don’t ever be afraid to show your kindness.  You might be the one voice in their life at the moment that they need to hear.  Your encouragement might be the one thing that keeps them going.

Maybe you are the one who will help them see Jesus through your kindness.

Your kindness matters.