Friendship in marriage is truly a beautiful thing to share together. We all have that song in our hearts. The longing to be “best friends”. The melody takes us back to our best friends, the boys and girls we hung out with when we were little – innocent times, free times, fun times. These were when we shared our secrets and our dreams with our bestie. The Lord puts that song in our hearts when we’re married, the desire to be best friends with our spouse. It’s up to us to read the lyrics God wrote for friendship and learn how to apply it in our marriage.
Building friendship in marriage takes a lot of work and time. We have to realize that straight away and commit to it. If it’s something you truly want, the hard work and commitment won’t feel like a big deal at all. I think one important thing is choosing to spend time together rather than apart. Whether it’s taking a quick trip for ice cream or sitting beside him watching football, time together is precious.
So, are you still friends with your spouse? Do you love spending time together? Are you best friends?
Be gentle with one another. When Joe’s parents were sick, he spent a lot of time away from home and with them. It would have been super easy for me to let myself get irritated that he wasn’t here. Not only would that have been super selfish but it deffo would not have been what God wanted me to do. God wanted me to comfort Joe, hold him and lift him up in prayer. And that was a time in our marriage when we grew closer together.
Have fun together! One thing I can say about Joe and I is we can have fun {and laugh ridiculous amounts} doing anything! We need to make sure we do the fun together too! Fun is a key ingredient to a successful friendship. No one wants to spend time with a Debbie Downer. Laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.
Listen. Friends enjoy talking to each other, but beyond just talking, their ultimate desire is to listen and implement the desires of their partner. Friends learn how their partner thinks by listening to what their partner has to say. Repeating what your partner said to make sure you understand is a great way to build listening skills. You would be surprised when you do this exercise how what men say and what we hear differs.
See what you still have in common. Chances are you will find out you still have quite a few things in common. Find out what the common interests are and explore them together. Joe and I love truck pulls, watching big brother and random road trips.
Put them first! Don’t just let your spouse be a best friend. Make them your most important friend! Your relationship with your spouse should come before any other relationship in your life, short of your relationship with the Lord.
Find out what makes your spouses heart happy. Find out what makes them smile and what their interests are and explore them together. It might be football, gardening, photography, art or hunting. This is one that takes sacrifice. When I was first married there wasn’t anything I hated more than sports on TV. It didn’t interest me a single bit. But, I have a husband who loves football (the Green Bay Packers to be specific) and a son who plays football sooooo there are lots of sports-ish things going on here. And ya know what, I love sitting beside my husband in the bleachers on a Friday night watching my son play football. I’m trying with everything I have to learn more about the game (this is the sacrifice part) so that I can participate in a convo with my husband while we are watching the game. Turns out my million questions like “what was that”, “why did they do that” and “what does that mean” is more of an irritation.
Make them feel good about themselves! Would you call someone who only makes you feel worthless and insecure your friend? Certainly not. Tell them about their best qualities. Celebrate their wins!
Remember forgiveness + grace. Even the best of friends have a bad day. Sometimes they say hurtful things or disappoint us. Offer the grace in those moments that you’d want in return. If you want a friendship that lasts, a marriage that endures, you must forgive both big & small.
Love them anyway. Isn’t that what best friends are for? Sometimes I’m sassy and hard to love, but thank God my husband loves me anyway!
Never stop dating. My husband and I turn any alone time together into a mini-date. Whether it is running to the grocery store or a quick little ride on the 4-wheeler together. Snuggle in, hold hands and make that time together count.
