Dear amazing, loving man…
Little did I know that first night I met you that you were the one I had been praying for since I was a little girl. So many nights I spent on my knees, praying. Over the years the prayer changed from asking for prince charming to asking for a man that would simply treat me well. All those years God knew you were the man for me, my future husband, and was busy preparing your heart for mine.
I can still remember the first moment that I saw your face. You were looking at me. And I thought to myself “what in the world is this guy staring at”. Year after year we repeatedly kept resurfacing in each others lives. Until finally, I realized you seemed very familiar to my heart. You stole my heart and our life journey began.
There are no words to describe how thankful I am that God brought us together. We were two imperfect sinners that God saw something in. Others around us didn’t understand it, but it didn’t matter. God knew exactly what He was doing and His plan was perfect.
At that point in my life I needed to feel worthy, loved and protected. You rescued me from all the past pain, struggles and hurt. You showed me I didn’t need to be weary, always questioning, afraid and on alert. In your arms I felt safe and protected. You showed me that God did answer that little girl’s prayer for a prince charming.
You knew you were getting a broken girl, yet you grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and stepped forward with me. With you by my side, everything else seemed to melt away. You put up with so much in those first days; tears that came from nowhere, fear that wasn’t understood and anger that was unfounded. Yet by my side you stood.
And your voice, oh that voice, I’m not sure you ever truly understood how much it meant to me. When you sang to me, I believed every single word. Your voice mended my broken heart. It sewed the pieces back together. Your voice lifted me up, making me feel as if I was the only beautiful girl in the entire world. You didn’t just sing to me with your voice, you sang to me with your heart.
When we got married, I thought I knew what love and marriage was. I thought it was about bliss and kisses. I thought it was about being swept off my feet daily. What I know now is that being married to you has allowed me to be myself. You want me to be the best I can be and you support me every chance you get. You want me to to be happy. You like me the way I am even though I am outspoken, sometimes sassy and I roll my eyes. You are so patient with me (which is no easy task, sir). You bear with me, gently correcting me. You allow me to be myself.
The reality of our marriage has been so much more complex. We make life changing decisions together. Marriage involves an intimacy that takes my breath away when I allow myself to think about it. You have seen me at my worst and you love me anyway. You have been so incredibly mad at me and still you love me so much. The intimacy of that love year after year is astounding. At every crossroad there is a choice to make…keep committing to our love or to get annoyed, give up and stop. Every time, you choose love. Here you are, still by my side.
Being married to you is the most interesting, challenging, amazing, mind-opening, loving, growth-inspiring decision I ever made. Such an amazing man I’ve been blessed with. I look forward to 50 more years of crazy love.
I love you so very much, Mr. Cutler.
xoxo
