Here we are, a week into Blogvember already! This month is just flying by and before you know it, the snow will be flying here. Yikes, not quite ready for that yet.
For a complete list of The Blogvember Challenge prompts, click HERE!
November 7 – Share a struggle you’re currently going through. And give advice to others who may be facing the same struggle.
For the past nine years I’ve been on a journey. A hard journey. It’s been hard emotionally, mentally and most of all physically.
In the fall of 2011 I went in for a routine laparoscopic hysterectomy. One of the first cuts the doctor made hit a main artery. A 9 inch incision, 2 units of blood, 1 unit of plasma and 1 unit of platelets later I woke in ICU. I had nearly died during the surgery. And during the surgery the doctor also missed a huge cyst on my left ovary. Four months later I went in to have that removed.
During that surgery, the same doctor put a clip on my ureter and put a hole in it. Three days later I had emergency surgery for a kidney that hadn’t drained in days. They installed a stent, hoping that would help the ureter heal.
Over the next 7 months, I had 8 surgeries to replace the stent. Each one would get corroded and calcified and cause a kidney infection, which would knock me on my butt. Finally the doctors at the Cleveland Clinic determined I needed a ureter reconstruction.
In October of 2012 I had a 14 hour surgery to repair my damaged ureter. While they were operating, they also found I had a partial bowel obstruction from adhesions and that was fixed as well.
The surgery was a success! But sadly, my kidney had too much damage done to it. It was no longer functioning at all and was causing more harm than good. In February of 2013 I had my kidney removed. It was a routine surgery but unfortunately I had a small stroke during it, awaking to a completely numb face on the left side.
Because of all the prior abdominal surgeries, adhesions were growing rampant in my abdomen. And we found out I have Adhesion Related Disorder. I’ve had four robotic lysis of adhesions, and it’s a surgery I will need for the remainder of my life every year or so.
I found out in March of 2018 that I was born with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a diagnosis that explains so much of my medical journey thus far. The EDS has caused Intracranial Hypertension (my body produces too much cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) and the pressure within my skull is too high). The Intracranial Hypertension had also caused stenosis of a vein in my brain, a partially empty sella, hearing loss, the loss of eye sight, memory issues and horrible daily headaches. And the stenosis of my right transverse sinus also increased my stroke risk (and explains the stroke I had during the 2013 surgery).
In June of 2018 I had a stent placed in my right transverse sinus, hopeful that it would reduce the pressure inside my skull but knowing it was up to my brain to see it as a solution. It didn’t. And in October of 2018 I had a Ventriculoperitoneal (VP) Shunt placed in my brain. It has lowered the pressure a bit, but we’re still in the process of getting things just right.
But because of having EDS, my body doesn’t heal quite right. And the incision in my abdomen from my shunt surgery didn’t heal correctly, and it created an incisional hernia. Not only that, but the hernia also pulled my shunt tubing up out of the right side of my abdomen and had it laying on my liver. Just last month I had surgery to correct the incisional hernia and a shunt revision.
To say this has been a taxing, scary time is putting it mildly.
But, God.
And as I’ve said numerous times, God has me on this journey for a reason that is precious and perfect. And while I may not know His reason, I will praise Him in the midst.
Throughout this entire journey I’ve been reminded time and time again of God’s extravagant love for me. In the darkest places, I found Him there with me. Speaking to my heart. Speaking life into the hurt places. I’ve learned what it’s like to seek and find Him. I’ve thrown myself at His feet in a teary heap. I’ve learned that even in the hard times, He gives us enormous blessings. I’ve learned joy doesn’t come and go with our circumstances. But joy can be experienced despite our circumstances. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, second only to love, it flows from God, not circumstances. We have a fundamental need for joy in our lives. Life without joy is overwhelming, depressing and just plain sad.
God loves all of us extravagantly. And He’s not finished with a single one of us. The fact is, He has a sovereign plan that is for good and not evil. For joy and not sorrow. He is writing a story of on-going redemption with each of our lives. Our lives are woven together through seasons. It’s one person’s season to experience this. And another person’s season to experience that. Neither is loved more. Neither is more dispensable.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 sums up what I’ve felt in my heart in a few simple, powerful words: He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.
His time. His time. His time. HIS TIME.
Joy comes in knowing Jesus, experiencing His presence and trusting His timing. Joy comes when we fall more in love with the One who loves us most. To experience joy is to experience Jesus.
So many times we want joy, but not trails. We want faith, but not testing.
Y’all, I’m going to be honest, I’ve thought many times how much easier my life would be without pain, without surgeries, without loneliness and without financial hardships.
But God often uses the hard to refine us. To transform us into the person we were created to be in the first place. More like Him.
If you are going through a hard season of trials, I encourage you to find joy in the midst of the hard. While it isn’t always easy, it is always worth it!
