Faith, Love & Truth
Maybe it was the time I walked into the back of the kindergarten room, excited about playing in the big blue blocks with other 5-year-olds, and I was abruptly, unexpectedly shoved out and not allowed back in.
Maybe it was the time I was told I couldn’t be friends with someone because I was adopted, and that means you “don’t know where she comes from.”
Or maybe it was the time my best friend decided she fancied my boyfriend. I went to bed having a boyfriend, and woke to her having that same boy as her boyfriend. To this day, I still remember the moment she told me in Algebra class. I spent the rest of class peering out the window, sobbing. I knew, in that moment, our friendship would never be the same. That is what broke my heart the most.
Rejection is hard, isn’t it? Babies even cry when they’re rejected. I can tell you first hand, being an adult doesn’t make that rejection any easier. We are created with the desire to be loved and accepted just as we are. But we will all experience rejection at some point in our lives. People hurl flaming arrows of rejection at their family members, co-workers, and peers without a second thought not realizing the depths of their damage. Damage that can reach throughout generations.
Throughout this process of rejection, healing and working to overcome the pain there are reminders the Lord has whispered as He brings healing to my wounded heart.
He is faithful.
When I am rejected, and hurting, I can assure you my first response isn’t godly. I’m the first to admit I have a hot head and a fat mouth. This, my friends, has taken a lot of prayer on my end.
And with gentle prompts from Him, I’ve heard be silent and keep your eyes on Me. My first response was the opposite. My goal was to hurt them just as they hurt me. God is showing me how to let mercy and grace lead the way.
I’m going to be honest, I’m not a good forgiver. If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s holding a grudge. Actually, I might even be considered a professional grudge holder. Forgiveness, no matter who it is directed to, is something that just doesn’t come easily to me. Add in someone rejecting, and hurting, my children as well and it’s doubly as hard.
How do you forgive the one who caused such pain and created those deep, searing wounds.
What does Jesus say about holding a grudge? He commands us to overlook sins and forgive those who hurt us. He doesn’t ask us to do that, the Lord commands us to do that.
But somewhere buried in our subconscious, we think the rules don’t apply to us. The pain we know doesn’t fit the requirements of forgiveness. We {read this as me} rationalize and justify our pain over and over again, talking ourselves out of forgiving.
And then we become resentful, angry, unforgiving and cold.
I am beginning with one simple statement…this is my opportunity to show them Jesus through me. To be kind and tenderhearted, expecting nothing in return.
Reaching out.
This one is hard for me. Whether I want to admit it or not, this girl can be so proud! That certainly isn’t an endearing quality. God’s Word has much to say about pride.
When we love our relationships, we should have no room for pride and arrogance to creep in. Regardless of who is to blame, when we are really serious about reconciling a relationship, we put aside our pride and sometimes that means being the first one to take the step towards restoration.
Forgiveness doesn’t always equal relationship.
Sometimes relationships flat-line and some are just toxic. I honestly just don’t know how to take a single step forward in a relationship that has dead-ended. Ones where there is no earthly way of moving forward. Where I just don’t know which way to go.
All I do know is this, we are to love one another.
I have to believe that forgiveness and love doesn’t mean we’re required to have a relationship.
Love doesn’t mean we walk back in. It doesn’t mean we forget. It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and we aren’t thankful that the journey brought us out.
It means we continue to love, even from a distance. We choose the best for them, for us, for this time. We refuse bitterness. We refuse anger. We refuse to keep allowing our heart to stir. We become aware of our pain and we seek and find healing.
When you don’t know how to move forward, choose love. When there seems to be no earthly way of moving on, choose love.
Healing.
When we find ourselves in the midst of ripped pages and the reflection of a broken heart, it’s comforting to know He is already there. In all my broken places, God has turned a my mess into a holy offering by pouring Himself right in. He has never left me down. And now those cracks allow Him to pour right out.
I know in the middle of my messy mascara days, He’s busy writing an amazing story.
Beth Moore, in Praying God’s Word, said:
The rejected person who turns entirely to God and His Word can find glorious restoration and acceptance in Christ no matter what happens.
In this world we will no doubt experience rejection again and again. But if we keep our eyes on Him, He will restore our broken hearts and turn our troubles into triumph.
Today I’m celebrating God’s faithfulness in bringing me through every rejection in my life and keeping me vitally connected to Him. Oh how He loves me – and you.
Oh sweet friend, just writing this post makes my heart feel pangs of sadness. Thinking about you makes tears run down my cheeks. I understand all too well as two years ago I was you. I was the girl that couldn’t find her Christmas, no matter where she looked. I was the girl with an empty, aching heart.
Let me share my story.
Two years ago, as the Holidays approached, they felt different. I pushed it aside as much as I could, until the obvious was staring me straight in the face. I put up my tree, made handmade decorations, shopped till I dropped, baked cookies, watched Rudolph, burnt yummy smelling candles…and still nothing. I still couldn’t feel Christmas. Why couldn’t I FEEL it? I ran down the to-be-happy-at-Christmas checklist, put marks in all the boxes and I’m still wasn’t happy.
I was sassy. I was mean. I was sad. I cried. I was distant. I was heartbroken. I had myself a big ole’ pity party. Daily, I alternated between trying to talk myself out of it and justifying my feelings. Christmas was just so expensive and money was tight. Previously I didn’t have any close friends to do fun Christmasy stuff with. My dog was aging and couldn’t walk some days. The weather was yucky. There wasn’t any snow. I missed my Grandma who had passed away. My family didn’t get together anymore on Christmas Eve. I could go on and on.
My heart was just sad.
I’m going to be honest. No matter how much I tried to talk myself out of it, it was just a valley I had to walk through. And that’s okay.
Friend, if you’re hurting this holiday season…It’s okay to hurt.
People will, no doubt, tell you to just “get over it” and “move on”. And maybe you feel like you should be over it, but you just don’t know how to be. I want to tell you this…it’s okay.
If there is anything I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s this. When God leads you through a valley, don’t close your eyes. Keep them open as wide as you can. Along the journey, even in the midst of the valley, there will be beautiful blessings.
I promise you, some day you will find joy in the Holidays again. God has joy planned for you!! At first, it may come in a little smile here or there. Or you find yourself actually singing along to a Christmas carol. Embrace it! Smile. Laugh. Hug. Eat. Fellowship. And when the tears come, embrace them too. Cry if you need to. Be honest and brave.
Healing will come. Laughter will return. Joy will emerge from this dark season. A Holiday season will feel almost normal again.